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#251043 - 02/02/08 02:13 AM Lessons Learned From Marriage  
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
happyfridays_1 Offline
New Member
happyfridays_1  Offline
New Member

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 4
I'm a newly wed and have learned so much about life from my marriage. I'm interested to hear, whether you're married or were married, what lessons have you learned?

#251051 - 02/02/08 02:35 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: happyfridays_1]  
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,645
pretty bird Offline
Tin Star Soulmate
pretty bird  Offline
Tin Star Soulmate

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,645
Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
Married 40 years.
Both my husband and I graduated together but did not start dating until after we graduated (right after) We got married 1 1/2 years after we graduated he was in the air force when we got married so there were times that we were not together once was for a whole year.
Anyway I guess I would have to say my husband is my best friend.
Don't get me wrong we have had a few problems but we have always gotten thru them.
I can remember when we first got married I was very possive and wanted him to myself all the time that sometimes caused a few arguments. Over the years that changed.
I also almost lost him about 10 years ago he almost died that was very scary we went thru some very bad times as he was very ill and also became clinicly depressed and I had to put on a brave front but was crying a lot on the inside.
Anyway I guess the best thing to do is not only love your spouse but also like them that is the most important thing I can tell you. And also make sure you both have your own time and try not to be to jealous over that.
Find something that you both like to do together also.
We found dancing and absoulutely loved it. I never thought my husband would do it as he never danced but once we started going I couldn't stop him we had a ball and met so many wonderful friends.
Learn also how to fight fair agree to disagree at times.
Don't hide things from each other like finances that can hurt big time.
Make sure you both agree on big purchases and don't get in over your head because that can also cause lots of marriage problems.
We have a rule we have cc but never use it unless we know we can pay in full when it comes. Use them as a convience only if you can.
Hope this helps and congratulations and welcome to the site.
Also laugh with each other. I can remember when we were taking dancing lessons who some couples would bicker at each other when one did something wrong. Hay life does not need to be that serious when you make mistakes laugh about them instead of yelling at each other its a lot easier to live together if you laugh than yell.



My name is Connie
#251054 - 02/02/08 02:46 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: pretty bird]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,466
val313 Offline
Soulmate
val313  Offline
Soulmate

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,466
Missouri
That it is harder than I thought but worth every effort.

That getting through the rough spots and bad times make the good ones even sweeter.

Sticking to a budget is a great idea and prevents some fights.

Never laugh and point while nude. ~advice from a good friend!

Have hobbies and friends outside of marriage. Don't retreat from life just because your married. Develop new friends, maintain the old ones. Most importantly cut loose the ones that are not really there or are not supportive.

Congrads and good luck!



RIP Peeps
#251296 - 02/02/08 03:17 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: val313]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,997
The_Zookeeper Offline
Silver Star Soulmate
The_Zookeeper  Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,997
Rochester, Michigan
Originally Posted By: val313


Never laugh and point while nude. ~advice from a good friend!





hehehehe

but is it no pointing and laughing while nude or at the nude? hehe.

Last edited by The_Zookeeper; 02/02/08 03:18 PM.
#251365 - 02/02/08 07:00 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: The_Zookeeper]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,466
val313 Offline
Soulmate
val313  Offline
Soulmate

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,466
Missouri
both! it works both ways.



RIP Peeps
#251597 - 02/03/08 01:12 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: happyfridays_1]  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
PDM  Offline


True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
UK
Originally Posted By: happyfridays_1
I'm a newly wed and have learned so much about life from my marriage. I'm interested to hear, whether you're married or were married, what lessons have you learned?
Welcome to the forum & congratulations on your marriage.

I've been married for nearly 28 years & recommend it! smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
#254038 - 02/08/08 09:12 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: happyfridays_1]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,554
Faith says hi Offline
Best Friend
Faith says hi  Offline
Best Friend

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 1,554
Never forget or lose sight of the good qualities that led you to marry your spouse in the first place. Keep noticing all the good things.

And don't forget to tell your spouse you've noticed the good things they do or the traits they have that you particularly like. (It can be all too easy to complain about the things that annoy you - so it's crucial to balance that out by praising/thanking for the things that make you happy.)

Fight fair.
Take turns.
Be considerate and mutually respectful.
Be honest, in the kindest possible fashion.
You have great power over each other's decisions and actions - and you must take great care in how you use that power. Don't use it any more than necessary.

You can make each other very happy, or very unhappy. So you just have to keep making the choice to be a good friend and supportive partner to your spouse.

#254226 - 02/09/08 05:16 AM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: Faith says hi]  

**DONOTDELETE**
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I've found that's it's great to just laugh like silly idiots once in awhile -- not at each other but about something totally stupid.

I also recommend taking a break if an argument is getting really too heated -- "Okay, I really need to chill out for a minute - maybe we can take this up later - sorry but I'm just too steamed up right now."

#283778 - 04/24/08 02:47 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: ]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 33
Cheers2wine Offline
Member
Cheers2wine  Offline
Member

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 33
Northern California
Something that I wish I had learned earlier is....don't sweat the small things. Accept that your spouse is not going to be perfect and neither are you. Focus on the important things!


Cheers!
#283781 - 04/24/08 03:52 PM Re: Lessons Learned From Marriage [Re: Cheers2wine]  
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
masseur ichi Offline
Long Time Friend
masseur ichi  Offline
Long Time Friend

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 660
USA
This may sound nuts to most of you but... the more you have to work on your relationship, the more it's not working. If it works, there's not much maintenance needed other than thoughtfulness, consideration, and fulfilling your obligations.

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