RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? More than friends?

Okay.

My name's Sean and this is my first time seeking help here in the forums. Lemme just say first that there's alot of brilliant advice on here that's worked for me a couple of times. But this time, I think I need some real advice from somebody.

This IS long so bear with me please!

There's a girl named Myrissa that I've come to like over the course of a really long time. We had this art class together during first semester.

It started out actually that I didn't notice her...I just stood up for her for some reason (just being nice I guess) when other in class people bothered her. And I slowly grew feelings for her. We'd begin to sit next to eachother in art, in lunch too, and I'd walk her to a few classes. Afterschool we'd chat online for quite a while...It was great. I finally realized I did like her but then the semester ended and our classes got all mixed up so I couldn't spend as much time as I did before with her. I thought to myself "She must have some feelings for me, I know she does." So one day I ask if she wanted to hang out afterschool. She said "Yes." and blushed, then just walked off. "Cool! I was right!" I thought, but we couldn't hang because of her family. Nuts.

I felt kinda empty so I told myself that I'd confess to her my feelings on Valentine's Day(Awww could I've been more cliche??). I did. The whole thing was really sweet. I had a gift and I'd planned it out and everything and Myrissa blushed so much! She said she'd love to be my girlfriend and I'll say that I've never been happier.

"So why are you here?"

Well sadly, her mom said "No." to the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing about a week after we got together and said we couldn't "go out" the day AFTER we got together. THEN she said we couldn't even SEE eachother outside school...
She's 14 and I'm 16, if you're wondering. Her mom has seen me/read my messages over myspace (Messed up.) and knew about me before the whole thing...

Myrissa wasn't comfortable talking about it. She also said we could only be "good friends" (Why is it always the girls that say that???). I took it kinda bad. She knew it. Tried to cheer me up and all. She told me to not stop talking to her even still. I'm not going to ask her to lie to her mom about getting back together or anything, but I want her too badly. I miss holding hands and hugging but I don't think she'll do it anymore.

Now its like, back when we were in art class. Just friends. I told her I couldn't be just her friend, that I had too many feelings toward her. So, its strange, I don't know if she even likes me like that anymore and its hurting. All because her mom said "no?" it affects her feelings toward me? I don't think I'm being demanding either...I just want to know how she feels, but she doesn't seem interested in talking about it.

I tried taking a break from her (I apparently did it before once, and she went crazy for seeing me again) but it didn't change much of anything. Now I have trouble talking to her in general (I don't have anything interesting to say or I'm confused), and I sit there like some dumb idiot while she talks to her more 'interesting' guy friend which of whom I have contempt for (I'm positive he has a gf though), but myrissa said she'd liked me and some other people at one time; just me now though (hopefully).

I'm willing to wait for Myrissa. (Well I'll be in 12th and her 11th when she can date, thats 2 years for us). She was my first girl and I was her first guy, but am I just going crazy because its my first? Am I being demanding/selfish? What do I say? Do I try to express my feelings in hope that she'll open up again?

The spark is fading..I need help.

Thanks,
Sean

aww thats horrible, just remember even if u guys dont get back together there will be other people. and relationships are very hard work. and im around the same age as u so this isnt coming from a parents perspective its coming from my perspective. just try to talk to her like normal but it wont be easy it hurts a lot to "just be friends" after there was so much more. reminds me of my relationship

I guess I could keep trying to win her but I should prepare myself for...you know.

Just, i want to keep my spot, you know? As her first...I want to always be her first.

Thanks Jeaninee

well u will tho. hmm...wait what do u mean "first" u mean her first bf right?

the valentines day thing was cute i think, better than mine like a yr ago or actually that was my birthday, my bf broke up with me on my birthday and a bunch of other times

its 12 30 so im kinda in an impatient mood haha so its hard for me to keep refreshing the page for when u reply back, but if u wana talk im never too impatient for aim. my sn is xxiluvyoutodeath

Hello Sean

I am the mother of an almost-14-year-old daughter ~ and I have been a 14 year old daughter too! ~ so maybe I can help.

Many parents will be very uneasy about their young teenage daughters dating.

Lots of youngsters have boyfriends and girlfriends even when they are quite young. I was madly in love when I was nine. My boyfriend was nine, too. My parents were not worried ~ the friendship between two nine-year-olds was likely to be very innocent. I didn't have another boyfriend until I was 18!! (And I married him! )

Once the teens arrive, along with teenage hormones and maturing bodies, things can be very different. The number of pregnant 12-year-olds is alarming. Parents are naturally going to worry.

At 14, a girl is still very young ~ though some may look very mature. I would be very concerned if my daughter told me that she had a 16 year old boyfriend! At 14, the only experience one has is of being a child ~ girls can be totally unprepared for a relationship and what it might entail.

Parents worry that an older boy might expect the relationship to go further, physically, than they would consider acceptable.

They might also worry that the girl would allow this to happen, or even feel forced to let this happen. Here in the UK ~ at 16 you would be considered a consenting adult; at 14 she is still a minor ~ a child.

Many parents I know would not allow a daughter to have a real boyfriend until the age of about 16. This girl is accepting her mother's decision. That is only fair and may have nothing at all to do with her feelings for you. She is a child. Her mother has spoken. She obeys. I see that as a good thing.

The relationship you first described is the kind of sweet innocent boyfriend / girlfriend relationship that a younger 'couple' might have in school ~ walking to class together, sitting next to each other, having lunch together. I doubt that her mother would have minded this too much.

However, the official 'boyfriend/girlfriend going out' thing might just be more than she thinks is right for a girl of her daughter's age.

She hasn't banned you from seeing each other in school it seems?

Why would a girl in such a situation say that she wants to be good friends? Because that is the only option open to her. She wanted to be your girlfriend but she is not allowed to be. 'Good friends' or 'no relationship at all' are the only options left to her. I'm not surprised that she isn't comfortable talking about it. She wants to be a dutiful daughter, but doesn't want to lie to you or upset you. What is she to do?!

What can you do?

You could forget her ~ but that would be sad, since you can still be friends and you are at the same school. If you still feel the same when she is old enough, you could date her then.

You could try to prove to her mother that 'your intentions are honorable' ~ They are, aren't they?

If I were you, I would try to show the girl and her mother that you are a mature, understanding & honorable young man.

This means
~that you respect her mother's views.
~that you accept that a dutiful daughter goes along with her mother's rules.
~that you respect the girl's wish to be good friends, even if she is attracted to you, because that is her only option.
~that you would not dream of having a physical relationship with an under-age girl (and would give a lot of thought to such a relationship even if you were both much older).

You could work together in the library at school during free time and you could still have lunch together, couldn't you?

You could suggest spending time together in the presence of her mother ~ eg homework 'dates' ~ so that her mother could really get to know you and to trust you.

Her daughter is precious. You need to prove to her that you will treat this girl as she would want her to be treated. Maybe if she knew that all you wanted was to be with her and hold her hand, she wouldn't worry so much, but I'm afraid that I would be equally concerned for my daughter and would only allow very innocent relationships at this age.

If you are happy with such an innocent relationship, then make that clear to your girl, so that she can tell her mother. She may insist on chaperones or group dates only, but if she learns to trust you ~ and you deserve that trust then at least you may be able to go out with your girlfriend.

Good luck!

PDM and Jeaninee,

You both have been very helpful and its good to get some advice from a female's perspective for once!

Sadly, I didn't get your messages until this afternoon. (I grew tired, it was well after 12 when I was posting Jeaninee, sorry.)

Today I talked to her.

I actually wasn't at a loss of words, so I was feeling alright. She still didn't seem terribly interested in keeping conversation between me and her though, just her other friend.

We talked a little...she laughed a little...thats it.

Maybe I'm boring her, or what you said, she's still 14, and thats considerably young, I know. The problem might lie there, maybe she's just not desiring my feelings as much as I desire hers. Different levels of hormone and that jib jab, I know its right. And I don't think she knows what to expect from me...

"Date" is a strong word that I don't like to really use...But regardless of what you call it, her parents will still likely forbid it.

Umm, also, just to clear things up-I by no means am trying to have any illicit physical activity. This is not the right time and I'm aware that we're both too young to handle it.

<<Many parents I know would not allow a daughter to have a real boyfriend until the age of about 16. This girl is accepting her mother's decision. That is only fair and may have nothing at all to do with her feelings for you. She is a child. Her mother has spoken. She obeys. I see that as a good thing.>>

Yeah, I was surprised at her response to her mother's response. She's very obedient and I must respect that...

<<Why would a girl in such a situation say that she wants to be good friends? Because that is the only option open to her. She wanted to be your girlfriend but she is not allowed to be. 'Good friends' or 'no relationship at all' are the only options left to her. I'm not surprised that she isn't comfortable talking about it. She wants to be a dutiful daughter, but doesn't want to lie to you or upset you. What is she to do?!>>

Sigh, thats everything in a nutshell I guess. I'm very willing to have aforementioned innocent relationship, its just conveying that to them (Her and her family) that I have to overcome...How? I'm not entirely sure yet. But I'd do anything for this girl.

And again, you've helped my mind deal with this situation a lot easier.

Thanks,
Sean

I would not worry at all if she said that she wants to be "good friends". She clearly has feelings for you, but has decided to respect her parent's decision.

I had my first "real" boyfriend when I was 14. My parents didn't like it, but they let it go. I think the reason they chose to do that was because they were much more comfortable knowing where I was and who I was with rather than being constantly worried that I was sneaking around just to see him.

I completely understand your situation, and hope that it works out for the best. But whatever you do, don't try to sneak around with the girl or let her lie to her parents about seeing you. They will find out eventually, and then they REALLY won't want her to go out with you.

One healthy alternative would be to go on group dates, as PDM suggested, or just hang out together as friends with a few of your mutual friends. That way you won't lose your close relationship with her, and when the time comes for her to be allowed to date, you will be that much closer.

Jeaninee

By "first" I just meant by first kiss, first romance and stuff...thats all.