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Joined: Jul 2007
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My ex and i recently broke up less than a month ago. before then, we went out for almost 2 years. we were almost the perfect couple in a lot of ppl's eyes. ppl would constantly joke about attending our future wedding... even though we're both 19 at the moment. I actually broke up with him for many reasons. For the past 1/2 year, i've noticed a change in our relationship. we've been talking less, and he's constantly out with his friends. sometimes they'd go out for the entire day and night... and he wouldn't even tell me. i was fine with it at first, but things only got worse. even when we talk, we wouldn't know what to say to each other for a while. there would be those little uncomfortable moments of silence. he'd constantly still tell me that he loves me though.
After our breakup, we both decided to be friends, since neither of us wanted to lose touch completely. we both agreed that we still had feelings for each other, but the relationship just wasn't working out. sometimes, we'd talk on the phone for hours at night and fall asleep till morning only to realise that we forgot to hang up. it's strange that the words come more naturaly AFTER we've broken up.. and not during the relationship. He even told me that now that we're friends, he values our friendship and even said he'll consider me as his best friend. But friendship, i know, is difficult especially if we both still have feelings for each other. I've thought about the option of getting back together, but it seems unlikely that we could make it work. we've been on and off before, and many times its caused by the same problems despite what we said about fixing them.
Just 3 days ago, I watched my uncle die in front of me from Cancer. I'm in Canada taking care of my aunt and her 4 yr old daughter while my home is in the States. The atmosphere is killing me, along with my immense sense of homesickness. I'd be staying at least another 1/2 month to make sure everything is settled and help as much as I can. Its just so much pressure having everything happen all at the same time. I'm so used to having my bf being there for me when I needed someone to talk to. These days, he's been too busy with a new girl. Yesterday I told him online the images of my uncle huanting me along with the pressure of making sure my little cousin is taken care of and out of my aunt's way temporarily and my feeling of homesickness. He tried to comfort me... only to be cut off with the words that he had plans later on that day so he couldn't talk long. I then asked what his plans are, only to discover that it's going to the movies and dinner with his friend's sister. I'm heartbroken though I know I shouldn't be. I can't sleep at night.. constantly thinking about all that's been going on. Someone help me... sigh.

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You have lots of options. One, tell him how u feel... i wouldn't go with that one, but mayb u want 2. Option 2, find something 2 take up your time, hang out with your girlfriends and just relax... I heard that always helps. Your third option, find some other guy u r interested in. There must b someone, and after u start hanging out with your new boyfriend, you'll forget about your ex in no time. And remember, if your relationship was going on and off, then it probably wasn't the rite match. There'll b someone 4 u out there. Someone that won't wander off, someone that'll b made just 4 u! Hope that helps! (That's the best I could do considering I'm not 19)


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Hi lostbunnyrabbit and welcome

I am so sorry about your uncle ~ it must be very hard for all of you to cope with.

At times like this we do need a shoulder. You are taking on your aunt's grief and your little cousin's ~ but who is taking on yours? Who is helping you cope with this responsibility?

It's right now that you need someone, and your ex seems to be the ideal person. He's been close to you; he cares about you; he is your friend,

But ...
Originally Posted By: lostbunnyrabbit

'I actually broke up with him ...'

'I then asked what his plans are, only to discover that it's going to the movies and dinner with his friend's sister. I'm heartbroken though I know I shouldn't be.'


The thing is, you made the decision to end the relationship, you are a long way off, and, as you say, he tried to comfort you, but he is just trying to get on with his life.

Ask yourself ~ do you feel heartbroken because you are grieving and homesick and alone, or is it because he may have a new girlfriend? (Is it possible that she is just a friend?)

If you were back home, amongst friends, and all was well with your uncle, would you still feel heartbroken if he was seeing another girl?

You have a lot going on in your life ~ a lot of sadness ~ and no-one to unload your negative feelings onto and, as they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

It may have helped you to unburden yourself on here, but isn't there someone else you could talk to? A female friend perhaps?

You are probably in turmoil, but you need to try to think, when you are feeling calm, what sort of relationship you really want with this boy.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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I think things may really be better for me if i were home and without the worries of my uncle's situation. however, i know that i'd still be jealous. i don't know what's gotten into me. it's like i can't live with him, but yet i can't live without him... I'm starting to have second thoughts of our break-up. i don't know if i should say something to him though. I feel like he really is moving on, and it'll be selfish of me to ask for him back right after a breakup that was my idea in the first place. At the moment i'm just trying to restrain my emotions. I know i really shouldn't be feeling this way, but few ppl can control their feelings. What i really want is to just move on as well... and not be stuck in the past. I know i'll probably not be happy even if we're back together. It's just hard i guess knowing that another girl has what used to be so closely mine, someone whom i believe i still have feelings for. He was actually my first bf, believe it or not. yea... i started dating kinda late. Maybe all these emotions also come from my inexperience in dating and seeing other people. yet, whenever i see a guy in any other-than-friends way, i'm reminded of my bf. should i try to distance myself from him or should i really tell him how i feel? i know there's other fish in the sea, but what if i'm not attracted to anyone in the near future, and my mind keeps wandering toward my first love?

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Only you can decide what you want to do and only you & he together can decide how you will go about it.

As you are going through a traumatic time, this might not be the best time to sort this out ~ however, if you truly want him back, then it might be best to say something before he really does move on.

If this girl really is a romantic relationship, then it may be that he already has moved on, but, as she is his friend's sister, it might not be ~ yet. If he will sit on the phone with you all night then there may still be a chance.

Why not write to him & explain ~ including your doubts and uncertainties ~ and see what happens.

Good luck ~ and see if you can get some counselling or support.

Last edited by PDM; 07/16/07 03:18 PM.

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Thanks PDM. I was really set one just being a good friend to my ex, but things just got too difficult for me. i've realised that maintaining a friendship after a breakup is harder than i originally thought... much harder. Last night we talked online for a while... and i kept hearing him talk about the other girl. i tried to act calm and relaxed, but there's a limit to everything. after two hrs or so of talking, i finally realised that frienship between us wasn't possible for me. I decided that i'd be happier without the friendship; at least i won't have the constant stimulation of jealousy and sense of loss. Maybe losing touch was the best thing in our situation. after i told him how i felt, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. i even added some faults about myself that i've recently discovered... along with some of his.. which made me understand more clearly why our past relationship wasn't working. to my surprise, he refused to have me completely out of his life and told me that he just needed a little bit of time to think. he didn't want to go back to a relationship only to go through the same problems with the same outcomes. he does want to try again though, and i think i'm also willing to us give another chance to make things better, and learn from our past mistakes. What is there to lose afterall?

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Talk it out with him, it'll b hard at first.... but you'll feel good after you've let it all out.


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And like I said b4, spend time with your other girlfriends 2 take your mind off of him. I'm not allowed 2 date, but when I'm down or angry about something, my friends come over and talk 2 me. It helps a lot!


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Honestly, openly & clearly talking it out ~ yes, I agree, that's got to be a good idea.


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It'll b tough, but worth it in the end.


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