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#194572 06/25/07 02:14 PM
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Well where to start:
I am a 23 year old female who has been in a realtionship for almost 5 years. We have had our issues because we got togeather right after high school. He is 21 and still thinks he can do what he wants. 2 years ago he cheated on me and I forgave him. Then we were blessed with a little girl who is now 1yrs old. I am have alot that is going on right now in my life because he choses to talk down to me in front of her. I don't think that she understands right now but I am not sure why he does this. He tells me he does not mean anything he says he just likes to get me upset. Don't get me wrong he is a great dad. But he could help me out alotmore. I do not stay home I work Fultime and then Come home only to work more. Some days I feel so overwheled.
My friends and family are telling me to leave him. But it is hard because I fell we have grown togeather and it is just his age. When he gets older he will be differnt. I only think this because he has changed since we first started dating. Another issue I am having is that we moved about 3 hours from my mom when I was pregent, so I do not get the help with the baby like I would if she lived around me. I would save on babysitting also. The # reason we fight is money. Like all couples I am told. I am just lost it seems like I have like 500 issues and do not know where to start.

JES #194574 06/25/07 02:32 PM
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Well it all depends how you feel about him, do you love him? Maybe you should sit down and talk to him and explain how you feel.


I love keets!
Jack Sparrow-15 months old adopted 6/15/07
Elizabeth Swan-15 months old adopted 6/15/07
Meggie #194577 06/25/07 02:52 PM
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I have sat down with him and he says that he is under alot of stress and tells me he is sorry but with in a month he is back to doing it all again. I really want to stick by him because I do love him and I really would love my little one with both of us. See both my mom and dad have been togeather for 25 years and she tells me that she went through this with my dad and they have been together and strong. I don't know some people just say stick it out but really I am more worried about Layla. Thank you so much for your help. I did not know where else to turn.

JES #194705 06/26/07 12:07 AM
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Hi JES & welcome. smile

You are both quite young, working hard & bringing up a child ~ without the help of grandparents.

This can be very stressful.

Moving is stressful.

Moving when pregnant is even more stressful. Moving away from the support of your parents may result in yet more stress because of less support.

Children are fantastic but they are hard work ~ and they can result in post-natal depression. This can last and can affect relationships, so be sure that you are not a sufferer.

If you are being a good Mum and a good worker outside the home, then you are probably very tired ~ especially if you lose sleep at night with the baby.

He is probably tired too.

I am guessing that he may feel too young to cope with all the responsibility that has been thrust upon him, and he may also feel that he doesn't get enough of your attention, because you put your time & energy into your daughter and your job.

Many men feel this way ~ especially young men.

At 21 he probably feels overwhelmed too.

I didn't have childen til I was 30 ~ both of us still felt overwhelmed, and exhausted.

I remember a man I knew at 21 saying that he just could not cope with all the responsibility that having a young family put upon him.

I think that ~ generally ~ women can cope better. They have a strong maternal instinct and all their love goes on the baby.

Men often have a less strong baby bond (not always, certainly) and they can feel left out of the mother-baby love bond. This may upset him, which may, in turn, be part of why he wants to upset you.

I think you do need to talk. You need to explain that you are exhausted by work, housework and baby care. That you do love him and the baby, but that you are tired. That you would like more help in the home ~ and that this would give you a project to work on together ~ as a couple. It could be a place filled with love and happiness if you shared your time, worries, housework, concerns and your baby.

Try to find a babysitter whom you really, really can trust with your child and make an effort to go somewhere together as a couple from time to time. Perhaps the grandparents could come to stay or you could stay with them ~ but try to find some 'couple time'.

If you love each other and want your family to stay together then you do need to work at it, and you are probably both feeling so tired and overwhelmed that you don't know where to start.

The best thing is to clarify matters. You are both young with responsibilities and so you are tired and stressed ~ both of you.

However, you love each other and you both love your daughter. This is a strong start. Decide to take some time out together from hard work to relax occasionally ~ just the two you at times, just the three of you at other times - 'little holidays'

Make time to say 'I love you' even if you have to add that you are tired, busy, etc.

Plan your 'little holidays' while you are sharing the housework.
Acknowledge the fact that there are problems ~ but also that this is to be expected and that you can sort things out if you work at them together.

Good luck!

Welcome to the forum. smile


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
PDM #201778 07/24/07 05:20 PM
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Thank you so much I really did not look at it in that view. I am trying to see what is going to happen? It may not help though with me, See I just think since we still have not got it togeather then we should not be togeather, and part of me just wants to leave him and go back home in my own place. It is like I gave up and he really is going to have to do something to make me stay.

JES #201813 07/24/07 08:44 PM
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By no means do I have the answer to your situation. I will throw out a couple ideas though in addition to what PDM said, which were all great thoughts.

As was mentioned, every couple has their problems, and I have been told that there will always be issues between couples that will never REALLY be resolved. Since you're thinking about leaving after 5 years, some questions you should ask yourself are what can you live with? what can't you live with? and bearing in mind that you probably know him best (hopefully), who is he really?


The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on...
-Omar Khayyam
sala #201835 07/24/07 11:04 PM
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Maybe some time with your family could help you anyway at this difficult time ~ whatever you decide to do long term.
I wish you luck!


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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