RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Can't get her out of my head

I don't mean to be harsh ,I am an honest girl to a fault and have been known to be terse but that story made me angry. So if you read this just know I don't think you need any more sugar coated lying.

You feel like someone up there is playing games how about right here, her and ahem u too a little. You can't be like 20 yrs old so I am trying to wrap my mind around the crazy scenario.

You talk to her/ meet her/ find out she has someone/ it stops
1 year later/you move to the same country and I do hope that it was only for business reasons/ still stopped (except for you letting her know you had moved there)
Another Year of your life/she starts chatting /communications open

Now this is what gets me, she seems to contact you to use you or USE you as a sounding board for all her man troubles, as a single gal let me tell you( I reserve that info. for other girlfriends or my gay hairdresser who is like my best friend) I would not be telling my guy probs. to a guy I had any interest in. Big No-no.
So really where are we at now, she has you at arms length or more but is keeping you emotionally invested in her, crying etc, can be weilded as a weapon but should never be.
Then she got upset when you wanted to move home, please tell me I have that wrong...please I want to be wrong, A friend would respect your decision to move back to you homeland, as if it isn't hard enough to run your own business from home never mind gamble in a new country. You tried that is a huge thing, it's gutsy and couragous and you want to go home ...go for it. You did a big thing and she wants to keep you around to talk to , pay a therapist, not someone who's heart is on the line. She should have NEVER made you fell guilty about leaving.NEVER.

Franly you should have of course in hind sight told her ur feelings but she would have to be daft not to know , I am sorry to say she sounds like a couple of women I have met, and unfortunately she probably does know how you feel, she just doesn't care.

I think you should not waste another precious day on her. Start fresh.

I am sorry if this upset you but you asked for opinions and this is mine. Keep in mind all I had to go on was what you wrote and women's intuition. Maybe I am right off.. just thought i throw in my 2 cents or pence lol.

Abcdx, I've got to agree with coco's mama on this one. I would forget about her and move on. It sounds to me that she had opportunity enough to start something with you if she wanted and she didn't - so I'd let it go. It sounds like you have been a great support to her and a great ear to bend - and you will make some woman very happy, trust me. But this particular woman I would let go - for basically the reasons coco's mama spelled out - she leans on you for emotional support and probably makes herself feel better in doing so - but does not let things progress futher. Intentionally or not, I think that qualifies as using you. Furthermore, girls who e-mail guys about all the fights they are having with their current long term boyfriend - red flag right there - Do you have any reason to think that type of behavior would change? Do you want YOUR girlfriend e-mailing other guys about your relationship. Yuck. Get out.
There are so many nice girls out there who would treat you better than that - but you won't find them if you have blinders on and just pine away for this one girl. To be honest, even if she ended up calling YOU and telling you she had all these feelings for you, I would STILL be nervous about getting involved with her... its her pattern of behavior that makes me very uncomfortable. Like I said, it might not be intentional, but it is not fair to you and that should be enough for you to walk away from it. Just take a break and get yourself doing what you like to do, and you will find better things. Good luck.

I quite agree with Coco's Mom, who said:

"Franly you should have of course in hind sight told her ur feelings but she would have to be daft not to know , I am sorry to say she sounds like a couple of women I have met, and unfortunately she probably does know how you feel, she just doesn't care.

I think you should not waste another precious day on her. Start fresh."

I wish you success in life and business. And just as importantly, I hope you will - when you are ready - meet someone with whom you could not possibly resist sharing your feelings.

My intuition tells me that you were fortunate to not have opened up with one you've told us about. As CM hinted, no doubt she still read you like an open book. And probably would have continued to use you.

Too bad her reading didn't include comprehension of who you really are. Her loss!

Hi abcdx

Welcome to the forum & sorry to hear about your heartache.

I agree with the others, to a certain extent, but it is possible that she did just see you as just a close friend and maybe was behaving accordingly ~ as she would with her girlfriends ~ and not using you. This boy-girl-close-friendship thing seems to happen a lot nowadays, but didn't so much in the past. It is possible that this is how she read it.

She may have known that you really liked her, but may have thought that you fully realised that friendship is as far as it was going to go.

On the other hand, she may not have known. She may be telling her friends that there is a chap she has fancied for years, but he only wants to be friends. Have you considered that?

Consider:

You have never asked her out.

You have had a couple of meals with her.

You have 'spoken' long-distance via the Internet, on and off over a number of years.

You have met her 6 or 7 times in about 4 years.

Is this correct?
This hardly counts as a real relationship.

You don't really know her & she doesn't really know you. It sounds to me ~ forgive me for my bluntness ~ that you are in love with an idea ~ in love with love. It's like people being besotted with a pop star, who one sees on stage or back-stage and maybe meets in person a few times.

You sound like a very nice person; I don't think that we can know enough about this girl to judge, because I don't think that you really know her.

There are girls, though, who would really appreciate your caring attitude, together with the strength of will to start a business in another country. These are very positive traits.

Think about it. You must know deep down.

Is she using you?
Does she know that you like her?
Does she even relate to you as a real individual, rather than a 'cyber-friend'?
Is she genuinely nice?

If you know that she is not right for you & has just been using you, try to move on.

If you think that she is a good person, then give her a chance. If you want to pursue this, then you need to make the relationship real. Meet her properly; get to know each other properly. Tell her how you feel ~ otherwise you cannot be sure that she knows.

Otherwise, accept that you have been a shoulder to cry on ~ apparently people find it easier to do this with people they meet online ~ and get to know some real girls, with whom you can interact in the real world. You are too old now for teenage crushes on people you don't really know.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you need to be objective ~ and that is difficult, when love and infatuation get in the way.

Good luck!!

OK perhaps I was too harsh on your female friend. However I think this comes down to a question we have discussed previously: Can a heterosexual man and woman maintain a close platonic relationship? I have argued generally not. Thus the current state of your relationship - one where you are a confidant on a daily basis about private matters - in my opinion cannot be sustained indefinitely. Either it turns into a relationship or it goes away. It's just my intuition but I feel she must have known you had feelings for her - but I could be wrong about that. Is there a problem with just laying it all on the line and telling her you have feelings for her? If she has had hidden feelings for you, then that is good news for you. If she is not interested, wouldn't you want to just know that and move on? You might as well just lay the issue to rest - that is, if you can accept the possibility of rejection.

Ok, first, I think should give a little bit more detail (that I could remember). When I went there for a holiday and the first time I met her, (before I went to do business over there) I did actually meet her parents and her Grandmother, at her Grandmother's country house. And her Mother even gave me a gift, which I still have. Althought I regard it as just being a nice gesture because I did give her some things (fruit, chocolates, etc) that I took over from the UK.

Now, moving forward (or going back) to when she started talking to me again when I was over there (to do business)... We did chat online for a while and what I remember, one day (after a few chat sessions) she said to me that she was sorry, about the past. (She was refering to a year or so ago before when I first met her, tried calling her, found out that she got a b/f and then she went quiet on me)... So, she did know that I liked her.
However, when she told me this, I kind of pretended to not know what she meant and said something like... "sorry for what?". Which made her change subject.
After that, I just tried to talk to her normally and didn't try to make any advances or give any hints that I still had feelings for her, and just basically tried to be supportive of her... because at that time, I kind of got my mind set that "I was over her and that she is only a friend". This actually worked quite well, until she told me about her having arguments with her b/f and that she sometimes cried because of him. Sometimes I would sit onfront of the screen and feel like crying with her.
But it really hit me that I still have feelings for her on that Valentines Day when she told me that her b/f doesn't care about her or love her... but she loves him.

However, I guess now her umm... ex. b/f is now irrelevent to her because she has someone new in her life.

> "Is there a problem with just laying it all on the line and telling her you have feelings for her? If she has had hidden feelings for you, then that is good news for you. If she is not interested, wouldn't you want to just know that and move on? " [victor]
What's really bugging me is the fact that I don't have the chance and probably will never have the chance of telling her and will never know what she really thinks about me. I guess if I did get the chance to tell her and I did get a rejection, I would probably be able to bite the bullet and really forget about her and move on... instead of having that "what could have been" thought in my head.

I didn't get the feeling that she was using me, but (like what PDM said) I guess she may have thought of me as a close friend?

Now my dilema on what to do next is...
- If I see her online... should I make that first "hello" (i.e. start up the conversations with her)?
- If I do talk to her online or whatever, should I still talk to her as normal?
- If I do happen to go back to her country (which sooner or later I probably will, either for work or holiday), should I contact her.
- Do I just talk to her normally (give her support or whatever) as usual and hope that I'll get the chance to tell her how I feel one day (maybe when I move or go on holiday there)... just basically being hopeful?
- .. Or should I keep in contact with her less. Just keep quiet, try not to talk to her and just loose contact with her?

As always. Thank you all for your opinions. They are very appreciate.

More and more detail doesn't keep our thoughts from going back to the one thing about all of this that keeps standing out:

Why you thought and still think that you have no chance to tell her how you really feel.

Most Romance novels have a twist or two or three that invariably result from poor communication/understanding of what the other thinks, feels, or even the meaning of what the other says.

Did/do you feel you had/have no chance to speak of your feelings because of the past bf/present bf?

While I suppose it is considered poor form to "hit" on someone who is in a relationship, it could well be true that she has also felt that she should say nothing to you.

Since you have talked often, I think you owe it to yourself, and possibly her to admit that while her friendship has always and wil always remain important, had she been free you would have pursued a romantic interest in her.

Sounds like the time she spoke about being sorry, you perhaps shouldn't have blithely acted as if you didn't know what she meant.

Maybe one of you needs to speak openly.

Or move on.

Yes, absolutely. You have known each other long enough now ~ though not well enough, it seems ~ to be honest. Even if she has a boyfriend, you don't know how serious it is. Even if you go out together, you don't know how things will end up.

Just tell her, as Carl suggested, 'that while her friendship has always and will always remain important, had she been free you would have pursued a romantic interest in her'.

You don't really have much to lose and possibly a lot to gain.
It's time for truth and openness, no more game-playing!

That sounds like a plan! Get everything out in the open, once that is done you will know where you stand, and it will stop eating away at you.

Yeah I agree. You should try what Coco's Mama said.

Hello again...

Ok...
"Why you thought and still think that you have no chance to tell her how you really feel". [Carl]

Well, firstly, I'm all the way over here and she's all the way over there. Also, I wouldn't even know where to start. And even if I did tell her online, there wouldn't be much point since I'm not close enough to even see her, let alone meet up with her. And also, I don't have any plans to go back there in the next couple of weeks or months too.

Apart from that... I also have a really strong feeling that she's about to start a new relationship with someone new (who probably helped her during her breakup with her last bf).
... and as Carl said "it is considered poor form to "hit" on someone who is in a relationship".. which I really don't want to do. Because.. if I do blurt out everything. The chances of me "winning" over the other guy is quite slim because he's over there and I'm all the way over here. Apart from the chances of loosing her friendship/her turning cold on me, she will probably feel bad too, which I really don't want (the her feeling bad part).
"Did/do you feel you had/have no chance to speak of your feelings because of the past bf/present bf?"... I guess that's a yes too. I wouldn't want someone to try and come in between my g/f (if I had one) and I so I certainly wouldn't do or say anything to jeopadise someone elses relationship.

At first, everyone was saying to forget about her but now... to tell her how I feel. So I'm a bit confused on what to do now. (But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate everyone's input + support though).

I guess I can think of two things that could do...

1. I could wait for a bit longer and try and find out if she definetly has someone new. (And if she does), end it all by writing a "confession" email to tell her how I feel and then say "goodbye". (Probably have to drink a few pints of beer first though, even if I'm not a drinker).

Or

2. I could just bite my teeth and live with the fact that I'll never be more than a friend to her. Act as though nothings wrong, talk to her as normal and maybe, just maybe, someone up there will really give me the chance with her.

I know most of you are probably thinking, what don't I just tell her?? Well, if wasn't the fact that I'm really far away from her and that I don't know what she's doing or who she's seeing, I really don't want to jump the gun and say something at the wrong time, if you know what I mean.

I can understand your confusion.

But advice to the lovelorn is necessarily based on a one-sided view of what is happening. The intuition that CM had that she probably knew just how you felt, even with you not openly declaring yourself, was what probably suggested the first advice of forgetting about her.

The addendum you mentioned of her saying she was sorry, and you acting as if you did not know what she meant added another fact.

Perhaps she felt drawn to you, also, but felt disloyal to the relationship she already was in.

The phrase, "all's fair in love..." can cover a lot of bad, but there is an important truth with in the meaning.

Only the one involved can know the depth and intensity and permancence of the love that you feel. Yes, love must sometimes remain unrequited. But many times it remains that way because one or both fears rejection or worse - to be mocked or humiliated.

Yes, it would probably have been better to speak to her of your feelings while you were there, or when you had more immediate plans to be back in the area.

Yet, you have spoken many times via the computer. I still think my suggestion of what to say to her would break the ice.

I don't think she would laugh at you, or turn cold toward you. You should know her well enough to know whether she would do that. Perhaps the worst that could happen would be that she would confess that she only sees you as a friend, and would prefer to keep your relationship on the platonic friendship level.

Only you can decide if you want your love to be returned and have a chance to grow.

Relationships have become successful that started from a distance.

Other saying goes something like this: "Faint heart never won the fair maiden." "Better to have loved and lost than never to have known love."

I'm cheering you on. And we would commiserate with you if the answer brings sadness.

well i think you've got to do one or the other - either is OK with me - but of course I'm not the one pining away for her.
If you think there is a chance in hell that she is interested in you - just tell her now before she gets too involved with BF#2. they can't be that involved yet -... and how many guys helped her through the breakup anyways??

If you think there really is no chance in hell that things will work - then just move on.

The in between status will give you an ulcer!
The whole timing thing IMHO is a myth - if love is meant to be it will be - and you aren't going to ruin things by your timing of telling her.

I must say if you cant' forget her and move on as Victor states so well "will give you an ulcer" and no girl is worth that except for Me!!! lol (trying to be funny in light of the heavy topic).

I am getting confused by all the vacillating really . I am a 30 cough something single gal so this is what I think if it helps. (Disclaimer: but this is not how we all think)) All i got is my own opinion.

I can tell you if I have a b/f , or am just dating someone or single, it doesn't matter who is "pining" if I don't know.

If I have a serious b/f , regardless of being told by "the piner" his feelings no matter how flattered, I would have to let them know there is no chance since i am seriously involved.

If i was casually dating someone (new perhaps) and the "piner" told me, i could have some choices to make.
First does the "piner" interest me?
If not again like above tell them the truth.

Secondly if i was interested , I could:
1. State I am dating someone new but we could also go out casually or
2. Decide I am more interested in the "piner" than the current casual date, and make that known.

So I don't think it matters who or where she is at she isn't married if you really still want to , need to tell her. Do it. Anyone else in the picture isn't really your concern you are just being honest and the ball is in her court at that point.

You kinda have to drop the whole thing and forget it or toss the ball out into the court, or get an ulcer.

just stating my opinion.. i would tell her. like everybody says..she could have more interest in you.

Tell her; there's no points in saying, I would, but ...
Just do it.

You can tell her via the Internet and see what she says ~ you have conducted much of your friendship that way, anyway.

Get to know her or move on.

Hello again everyone.

Thanks for all your comments.

I've been really thinking hard about what you've all told me and a part of me says to do what everyone says... to tell her, but then, the other part says (like what Victor said) that... "I don't have a chance in hell".

You see... I haven't been talking to her much because she doesn't come online that often anymore. She told me that she's quite busy at work and feels a bit tied to sit at the computer. Now last week, I had a chat with her and I asked her if she got home late and she told me "yes"... because there was a lot of traffic. So I asked her if she drove home? (She doesn't usually drive). And she told me that someone picked her up.
And on Saturday. I had a chat with her again and she told me that she went to the seaside with someone (I guess just the 2 of them). I asked her if that someone was someone new. And she replied with a knodding emoticon. Then I asked her if he was someone "special" and... well... she kind of replied with a "shy" emoticon. >_<

So... what do you all thing of my chances now??? -____-"

So what are you going to do?

Either decide to move on or tell her ~ those are your choices.

What are her choices?

She can't really make one about you, because she doesn't know how you feel.

Once she knows, she can ponder ~ and make a decision.

You may or may not be lucky with her; you may have to settle for just friends, but wouldn't you rather know?

Wouldn't you like to know how she feels & either become part of her life or get the chance to find a proper girlfriend?

ABCDX

It doesn't matter what she is doing until you tell her clearly you are bothered by this and wil be you have looked at it from every angle even wrong way up.

Stop trying to figure it out I mean heck,what are you using ESP? Ask her and ye shall know all.

I do realize it is harder than it sounds, but at this point wouldn't you rather know Victor stated "you have no chance in hell" he also said "you will give yourself an ulcer" . I think you have a better chance of some ulcer like symptoms at this point.

You really just need to get it over with. So you can be free of this head game to a: move on with her anew or b: just move on.

Hello again,

Because of all your opinions/advice over these few weeks, I have thought about my situation long and hard and I have even tried to tell myself everyday that "she's not the one", "it's not meant to be" and things like that. But everyday when I wake up in the mornings, my heart starts beating really fast and hard (literally), which is actually meking me quite tied. Now, I have had this condition (3-4 years) before otherwise I probably would have thought about going to see a doctor by now.

Anyway, I've thought that the only way for me to get out of this situation I'm in at the moment is, like what all of you have said... to tell her. So, I've started to build up the "courage" to tell her... even though I feel/know that my chances with her is now really small.
Now it's a funny thing about life sometimes (for me anyway). When I had a "small" chance to tell her, I didn't think/want to tell her, but when I've built up the courage to tell her, I can't!
She hasn't been online for the past week. I haven't talked to her since Monday.
At the moment, it's like a new years/bank holiday over there, so she's probably spending more time with "him" over these past few days. (I know Coco Mama... it's not quite ESP but it really does feel like that, I guess).
As I said before, it's like someone's playing games with me.

Now... I'm thinking, the next time I do get to talk to her/ get a chance to tell her (whenever that may be)... I'll probably have second thoughts about saying something or I'm going to chicken-out or something. -_-"
You see... I don't even know how to start telling her. I mean... it is like telling her out of the blue, if you know what I mean.
I guess, I know that if I tell her then everything between us will probably not be the same again, and I don't know if this "heart condition" of mine is going to get better if I do tell her?

Just wanted to tell you what my current situation is and what I'm going through at the moment. (Especially everyone kind enough to give me their opinions/comments. Thanks)

Good news: You're not the first to have the panic. It is true that nowadays, females can and do pursue the ones they are interested in getting to know better and perhaps mate with.

But for much of the times past, one survival skill of the male was - did he have the courage to pursue his heart's and/or body's desires?

I had said no more, figuring that this was one call you had to make yourself. If you could walk away unannounced, then perhaps you really did not love her.

But if you feel you must take the chance, there might well be something to it. As to how, think creatively.

And of what events will happen next, they may not follow the straight line that you can even envision. Most romances have surprises. They will provide a good story for your grandchildren (or good training for whomever wins out to be your life mate), or at the very least, you can always know that you gave your love a chance.

Would you rather live in dreamland?

'Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream of you'

Is that how you want it to be?

Maybe it is. Ask yourself. Be honest.

Do you want to get to know this girl?

Or do you want to remain in love with the imaginary image that you have made up around her?

You said yourself that 'she is like the girl of my dreams'.

But she is not a dream girl; she is real.

If you want to know the real her, and she's not online, send her a letter or an e-mail.

If you are content to continue to love this 'dream girl' ~ then do so.


Consider carefully ~ what do you really want?

A dream girl who is all yours?

A real girl, who is going to make a choice between you and someone else?

Hello everyone.

I told her.

I told her how I felt about her. But I think I made my situation worst. I was hoping that when I told her then I would feel better/releaved... but it's not what I had expected.

I asked her first if she went out [with her "b/f"] (it's a bank holiday over there) and she said "yes". And I asked her if he was definetly her b/f now and the answer was "Yes"... and she told me that she wasn't going out with him because she was lonely or anything. I asked her if she really liked him and she said "hmm" as in "yes" again.

So... I just held my breath and just told her. And well... I guess she was a bit shocked because she said she didn't know what to say at first. She said that she was sorry. She told me that she always felt good about me... and after telling her how I really felt about her, she said that she saw that I had a lot of girls who already liked me, so she was afraid to think that I would like her.
But (I told her that) in fact, it may have been true that a few girls did like me, but I never felt anything for any girl... except for her.
She could only say that she was sorry. But I guess it's understandable for her not to know what to say.

Now,... wasn't I supposed to feel better or releaved by telling her??? I mean... I would probably be feeling much better if she said something like... "Sorry, but I've only thought of you as a friend".

I really got the feeling that if I had told her before or if I was still there when her old b/f broke up with her... I could have had a really good chance. But I didn't and I wasn't there!
...It's like someone's playing games with me again!

I really feel like...-_-"...
Can someone hit me over the head with a sledge hammer.. or better still.. run me over with a double decker bus... -_-"

I guess that's another sad end to a chapter in my love life.

.. but again, thanks for the comments and advice. I really appreciate it.

I think that you did the right thing. She now has time to consider ~ and maybe to re-assess her feelings about you.

As I said, once you got into this you would have to accept the reality of a girl who might want you ~ or who might choose someone else.

At the moment she is with someone else, so, of course that doesn't make you happy. Eventually she might choose you ~ or she may not. If she doesn't choose you, at least you will have tried & you can accept the truth and find the right girl for you.

Unrequited love is bitter sweet. Pining for someone who may or may not return your feelings, but who doesn't even know how you feel, is not helpful long-term.

Good luck.

I, also, think you did the right thing.

As for it being better had you told her earlier, all of us have probably looked back and in hindsight observed that we "should" have done something, or "shouldn't" have. Science fiction aside, can't be done.

But you learn and go on. And there could be benefits that you'll see later that would not have been evident then (or even now).

Love has a way of feeling both awful and wonderful in the "courtship" stages. Bet you feel more alive, though!

Another thing. Romance novels abound with forks in the road of love because of not communicating or of miscommunicating.

No matter what your age, I believe you are seeing that it is better to be honest and open in sharing your feelings with someone you are wanting to know better.

Nobody would open up all aspects of themselves with another immediately, but you can be honest in what you do share, and look for a return from the other person. That type of relationship tends to be more real, I think, than one where both may have a false or wishful view of the other.

Good luck, from me, as well. I'd say that it may not be as over as you are feeling right now.

Sorry to hear that she is not interested at the moment but you DEFINITELY did the right thing.
Otherwise you could have gone on indefinitely wondering how she felt and wondering if you should pursue her, or if she was "the one".

This part of the deal hurts and can make you sick - but you will look back and be glad this page is turned.
My suggestion is to close the chapter and move on. But I would not go and ask out every pretty girl you see or try to convince yourself of a new love interest. I would start doing things that interest you - whether it is exercise or taking an art class or joining a book club - pick something that you like that you can immerse yourself in. I can't say you will necessarily meet "the one" that way, but you will find joy in what you are doing, and you might make a friend or two along the way. I say that good things happen to people when they are doing what makes them happy, and people always seem more attractive when they are happy and self condifent. So close the book and open a new one.
You are young and you will be fine.

I agree with Victor, , no more wondering, just get busy with stuff and it will get easier. Next thing you know you will meet someone new.

Thanks for you replies/comments everyone.

> "Bet you feel more alive, though!" ... Carl, I wish I could say that I feel more alive... which I thought I would feel after telling her.... but I don't. I felt/feel worst. -_-"

This morning when I came online, I saw here online too. I think she was at work (because everyone's suppose to go back to work today and because she had "Working" up as a name for a bit). But I've never see her online when she's at work because she doesn't go on MSN Messenger. She says that it's not good to chat when at work. If not then today she might have stayed at home today and was online (for quite a while)? Well, what I'm trying to get at is that, I didn't talk to her and she didn't talk to me too... I don't know what to say or how I should talk to her and I guess she probably feels the same way (at the moment?) too.
This makes me feel even worst/awkward than before. I don't know how or when we'll be able to talk normally again... or if we'll ever get back to normal talking terms like how we use to talk.
Someone please tell me that this is a normal thing or that I'm jumping the gun.

Sometimes I think and tell myself that I should just drop it and, I think it works... until when I wake up in the morning and my heart starts thumping and everything starts all over again.

I wish she should have just told me that she only thought of me as a friend. That way I wouldn't have got the impression that I was too late in telling her and I wouldn't be in this different "what if" loop hole. -___-"

I'm thinking of writing her an email to tell her my feelings, why I had to tell her and then tell her not to worry about it and goodluck or something like that. Maybe to break the ice and not make her think too much? I don't want her to think/stress too much... umm... what do you guys/gals think?

Try to give this a bit more time.

Maybe an explanation would be good ~ expressing a hope that things don't have to be awkward and uncomfortable between you, but that you felt it necessary to tell her the truth and find out how she felt.

Be patient. You have been waiting a long time ~ a little longer might be good.

OK - I can tell that I'm going to be the harshest one in the crowd, - but I would just CLOSE THE BOOK on your chapter with her.
I could be wrong, but I think she was trying to let you down easy - and thus her "no" was sort of a confusing no. She maybe thought it would hurt more if she just said, NO I think of you as a friend... so instead she came up with a different more convoluted answer about timing and never thought YOU would be interested in her, all those other girls, etc, etc. But to me that is a gentle let down.
Think of it the other way - if she had suddenly said to you that she had feelings for you - would you ever use some weird excuse like, well you always had a boyfriend so I never thought of you like that? It doesn't really work like that if you ask me. You are interested or you are not. I may be the cynic, but I'm going to venture that she is not interested - at least right now - or she would have said so. Just the fact that she said "sorry" to you about a million times means that she is saying "Sorry, but the answer is no.". I would just let it go. Stop going on line where she is - find some other place to go on line if that is what you are into. I'm a little older so I would tend to advise you to meet people in person the old fashioned way - but it appears lots of young people meet on line, so who am I to advise you otherwise - but please just let her go. If she comes crawling back to you begging to start an intimate relationship, then you can reconsider - but I would take her response as a no. Sorry to be harsh dude. That is just my opinion - but there are alot of fish in the sea who would like you attention.

I believe Victor may be quite correct.

May be time to get some of your friends together and have an impromptu party. Begin a new chapter.

Try something new. Audition for a part in Community Theatre.

It's certainly time to live in the real world, with real people, instead of someone you don't know as well as you think you do, but have put up on a pedestal.

I agree about having a party or joining a club. If ever this girl ever becomes really interested in you, you might even find that the real person, behind the dream girl you have imagined, isn't even right for you after all.

If you do get in touch, to say that you don't want things to be awkward, try to make it sound relatively casual ~ and don't let her think that you are just sitting around pining for her.

Get out and do things ~ with real people.

(That's good coming from me ~ sitting here on my computer, talking to my 'cyber-friends'!)

Hello everyone.

Well, it's been nearly a week now and I thought I'd just drop in a post to tell you guys/girls that I'm still alive and I haven't jumped off a cliff or anything like that.

Well, your probably wondering what's happened so far? Well... after I told her, nothing happened really. Didn't see/talk to her the next day. But the following day, she came online and came and said hello to me and asked me "how was I?" I just told her that I was "ok". We didn't talk much though. Then the following day or two (think this was on Friday), I sent her an email to basically tell her sorry that I told her what I told her but I felt I had to because... Umm, said a bit about how I really felt inside and ended up telling her goodluck with her b/f and that I just want her to be happy.
Well, I didn't get a response email or anything like that. But she did come online on Monday and she did come and talk to me again (started by sending me a smily emoticon). We kind of chat for a bit. I did try to talk normally as I would to her. We didn't talk that much though (she didn't stay online long) and we didn't talk about what had happened too.
I guess it's normal to try and talk to each other as we normally would because.. well, we didn't have an arguement or anything like that, right?

At the moment, I'm still trying to tell myself that she isn't the one, it's not meant to be and all that but I'm still in the loop hole where every morning when I wake up, my heart starts thumping (litterally) and she pops into my mind... -__-"
Last Friday, I went to play football with my group of friends (I think a lot of you will probably call it soccer?) and... I thought I nearly had a heart attack because my heart was beating so hard and my chest really started to tighten up. I'm a fairly fit person but since my heart's been "thumping" all the time though out the day. Running around on the football pitch makes it work even harder.... I think I'm getting a blood clot in my heart or something.

And I don't know if it's me or not but whenever I turn on the TV or the radio, there's always a sad song being played!? Anyone heard or remember that Micheal Bolton song "How Am I Supposed To Live..."? Go and play it or read the lyrics for it. That one really kicks me in the spot. >__<"

Anyway, just thought I'd drop you a post to say that I'm ok.

Hi abcdx

Maybe you should pop along to the doctor for a check-up ~ just to be sure that it's only love that's making your heart pound ~ especially if you are going to get involved in sports.

You are doing well ~ keep up the good work.

Def. get your heart check my Mom has that same heart pounding, and tightness because of her age and that my father had a heart attack last year off to the Doctor Isent her, she has anxiety, a panic disorder related thing. It's not pleasant but better than a heart attack. And don't say you don't feel any stress around friends or other times, it doesn't have to be timed to the feeling at all, it can happen after stress or when you don't even feel that you are stressed but something is still lurking in the back of your mind.

I hope it is nothing serious.

OK if we are going to name appropriate songs to think of - the one that really helped me along was the one called "closing time" - it was perfect for me -
the line:
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

I really liked that - and I met my partner when it was on the radio. loved it.

Glad you dropped by. Here's something else, guy! You've gained some friends, here.

Ever heard one of the few slow songs by Johnny Horton, "All for the Love of a Girl"? I sing it in karaoke. Not that you have to stay in that mood, but the memories in your heart will bring new depth to the love in your future which will be returned.

Gotta good feeling about you, friend.

Thanks everyone.

Don't worry. I've been in/had this condition before... (3 years ago). -_-"

The thumping heart condition is just from one of those deep emotional/dissappointed/heart broken conditions that's hidden in the back of my conscious mind and jumps up and supprises me when I wake up every morning.
(Note: if anyone's wondering what this condition feels like or is thinking of trying it out... don't. I can tell you that it isn't as fun as it sounds. Even if it's the second time round).

But... I'll get over it, if Someone doesn't play anymore games with me again. -__-"

Just like to say thank you again for your friendly comments and support + interest in my umm... problem(?). (From looking at the number of Views for this Subject).

Better stop writing now, otherwise I'll just keep on going. But as for Victor and Carl... umm... I think your songs "Closing time" and "All for the Love of a Girl" may have been a bit too early for my time or my area? But thanks anyway.

Yeah, way before your time, but you never know. The other night Celine sang alongside Elvis. Some music transcends time, and individual taste can surprise even self. I know I keep running into music that stirs my soul.

Man do I feel old.

Hi, I wanted to just be really blatantly honest with you about something here. 'As a woman', we all desire 'romance' - we know who we want from our earliest beginnings 'so to speak' - keeping that in mind, we've had our whole lives to dream him up / to create and to perfect him to a -t- (as woman we are very picky). You want 2-know the key? - You have to make her want you! You have to have mystique'!!

But, I will tell you this, think of all the people driving down the high-ways, think of a mall, think of somewhere where there are like, gazillionz of people k.? - Now, multiply that by all the highways / all of the malls, the states (or how would you say it, in the U.K?) - There are so many very beautiful people out there!! - I have fallen in love quite a few different times throughout my very 'short life'.

Know what you should do(?) - if this 'idealistic' view of what you want is not coming through? - Just sit down and write out a list of all the qualities you most desire in a woman ... I always say there has to be atleast some physical attraction.

But, you have been chasing this one for far to long! There are so many other beautiful people / souls out there, so many physically beautiful / attractive people. Want 2-know my ideal of the perfect man? - He is someone who is intense, someone 'romantic', someone who acts as if he doesn't need you, 'passionate' - you have to make her want you! - if you honestly want to give it a 'go'. I really liked River Phoenix in the movie: 'the Thing Called Love' ... See, we (as women), we all love a guy who is 'sweet / tender', what you seem to be, but just try to be, well not so 'overly obvious' about it - or do, but then be mysterious - Do u see what I am saying? Intensity / weakness is beauty, but not in crazy /obsessive amounts, it can come off as being clingy / dependency (can be quite scary!). Who does not enjoy a good challenge!? - I mean, come on, to want what we feel we cannot have?! - I think flirting, the teasing, the taunting is what sets love a flame / Those are the things that build tension!

Keep her on her toes, be romantic, then make her jealous (but not in an overly obvious way).. u know, something to that effect(?).. Don't be overly anxious, just give it some time, it'll get under her skin!! - We women can get very competitive, once dethroned, swear to God!! - I believe it goes hand in hand w/ ego(?).. Be Don Juan' Demarco or something(?), throw her for a loop, be compulsive ... unpredictable - YEAH!

Hi,

Ok, first of all. Sorry Victor. I didn't meant for you to feel umm, old. Just wanted to say that I haven't heard of the songs before.

And Halo_rainbow. Thanks for the insight on how a woman thinks. I guess with the girl in my case, well, I don't think I've been "chasing her for a long time". I mean, true I may have started to like her 3 years back. But I didn't chase/pursue or do anything (since she had a b/f). To be honest, I think I even acted like as though there was nothing there (like, I didn't have any feelings for her) for the past 3 years. Only really blurted out all my feelings to her recently -__-".

Come to think of it, I think I did do many of the things you described as a "perfect man". Like being sweet, caring, intense, and act as though I wasn't interested/didn't need any girl. I'm not saying I'm the "perfect man" though. It might just be my nature and I think that's what might have made a few girls like me?... but I wasn't really interested in them.
(I don't really like to play along with girls or even give them any sort of hope if I'm not interested or don't really feel anything for them, if you know what I mean.)

But as for the girl I'm "interested in", I guess I'm not really going to get the chance to "keep her on her toes, be romantic, then make her jealous " or "get under her skin".

But thanks for the insight anyway. Much appreciated.

Mine is the 'curious guy behavior' thread ..