Hi there :)
You are, it seems, in love with two people at the moment, and, in a way, neither is ‘real’, because you are seeking an ‘ideal’.
When you and your first boyfriend dated, you were, practically, children. I know that youngsters in their early teens may seem grown up, and even feel grown up, but they have only ever had the experience of being children and, though they are embarking on adulthood, they are not there yet.
However, I do believe that young love can be true love. I don’t think that it is ‘kiddie love’ for most people. It’s rarely long-lasting love, though. However, those special feelings do seem to last. Unless things go very wrong, one’s first love is always special.
This first boy sounds very nice. You broke up with him, because you didn’t trust him around his step-sister. Was there anything really going on? I don’t know ~ do you? It is possible to love one’s step-sister, but not be in love with her ~ as with a blood sister.
It seems that you feel that you made a mistake, breaking up with him, and your feelings have remained with you ~ no real closure. You are still thinking about him. But is it the real him, or some dream perfect person of your imagination? Very few people stay with their boyfriends from when they are 13.
It also seems, as you say, that no-one can live up to him ~ or to your dream version of him. It’s like being in love with a pop star. The person is real; but your take on him is not.
He has contacted you through Facebook, so his memories of you must be good ones, too. That is really nice. But he wasn’t very forthcoming in his responses to you?
What were you hoping for?
And now you have met someone else, but have broken up with him. You still have this dream person in your head ~ your knight in shining armour. But he was just a young boy then. Look at other 13-14 year-olds around you. Think about that.
Now then, how do you really feel about your latest boyfriend? Are you going to make it work with him, if you are arguing all of the time? Do you still feel that you are in love with him? Are you prevented from loving him, because of your feelings for your childhood sweetheart, or because he just isn’t as nice a person as your first love?
Is this new boy a nice person? Do you care for him? Does he care for you? You say: 'Is he even worth getting back together with?'
He flirts, but is it serious flirting, or just his friendly personality?
Flirting can have different definitions for different people. Is it possible that you are being over sensitive?
You broke up with the first boy over jealousy and now it’s happening again.
Is your judgement correct re these boys or are you over-jealous ~ and unnecessarily so?
If your first relationship was good, and this one isn’t so good, then maybe you should just accept this at face value and not blame your ex for setting you high standards. Maybe this boy would not be right for you under any circumstances.
But, if he is right for you, then you are going to have to put your first love into the past. Many people retain feelings for their first loves, but they understand that it is something special, that cannot be re-captured, and that also has no bearing on current relationships.
You have not yet reached that stage. This may be because you are still so very young, or that there was no real closure re the first boy, or because you believe that this new boy isn’t really right for you.
Your recent ex told you that one girl was always on his mind. How did that make you feel?
He knows that your first ex is often on your mind, so maybe he did say this deliberately, so that you would know how it felt.
I think that maybe you should have lunch with your first love ~ just as a friend, 'for old time’s sake'. It will put things into perspective for you and will help you sort out your feelings for this new boy. It may even re-kindle your lost romance. Who knows?
Remember, though, that 18 is still very young and that very few people stay with the person they date at that age. I did ~ but that is unusual :)
Just think about the new boy for now.
Is he a good and decent person?
Do you love him?
Do you actually want to be with him?
If yes, then you will both need to work on it.
If not, then leave that relationship alone.
But I think that you need to sort out that first relationship. For your feelings to have lasted this way is not really unusual, but does need to be addressed if possible. Having a meal together will give you the chance that you need ~ either to get closure or to rebuild the relationship.
Good luck :)
