Jilly -

This is where it gets really confusing for women especially. We are often taught to just "bear the burden" and be perfect spouses. So we don't ask for help. Then we get overwhelmed and break down. That's not a good solution.

Think of the poor-me conversations as a *step in the right direction*. They are critical for you. You need help!! You deserve that help. You deserve to be asking for help. The family that you support so incredibly should be helping you out.

Sometimes it's hard to know who CAN help, so while it's a great idea to plan out who to ask to help with what, that can be challenging. So I am a proponent of the "share your situation" theory.

Instead of the emotional trauma of having to go up to one person with hat and hand and say "Oh please kind sir can I please have help with X?" - I would instead say that you set as a goal that you find a solution for X. Then in normal conversation with people you say, "By the way, I am brainstorming ways to handle X. I need some help with it. What do you think?" You never know which random person will have the PERFECT solution for you. Maybe your neighbor knows someone at the propane company! You never know until you talk.

That way you get your needs met, and you are making your needs known - but in a way that feels positive to you, rather than in a way that makes you feel helpless and needy.

It is definitely challenging to change a way of life. Our habits are deeply ingrained into us. However, it only takes a few weeks before something new becomes a new habit. It is challenging - but it's not a multi-year process. So it is well worth setting down and making an effort at!

Lisa Shea, Owner