I actually have a question which could use some Carl and PDM input, as well as other advice givers
I dont want this to turn into an immigration debate, but this information is necessary for you to understand my motives. My sister (15) is dating a guy who is 19. I am very upset about this because he is too old for her and he is an illegal immigrant. When I was 15 I started dating an illegal immigrant who was 22. I did not know he was 22 (he said he was 20) or that he was here illegally. I got pregnant four months after I met him and gave up a scholarship at a great school to have my daughter. I married this man and he abused me for almost 2 years before I got up the courage to walk out. That being said, my mother never said boo to stop me from seeing this guy when I was 15. I was waiting for her to say something, I was being "rebellious". It never happened and my life changed. I now have a great boyfriend who loved my daughter. I dont know where her father is and he has no desire to see her. I hope you can see where this is going. Im afraid for my sister, I dont want her to make the same mistakes I did. And after seeing one daughter go through that, you think my mom would try to prevent this from happening again. No. She is 100% supportive of this! The 19 year old guy is a friend of my moms boyfriend (who is not a good guy, I might add, and also an illegal immigrant!) Is she STUPID? If she would stop being my sister's "friend" and start being a parent, I wouldnt have to worry so much. I can't say anything to my sister because despite us being so close, no one can say anythign to her. She gets very defensive and blocks you out (she has bipolar disorder among other issues).
Im also concerned with the illegal immigrant part because a multi cultural relationship is hard on many levels (cultural differences, language barriers, etc.), and having a partner who is here illegally is scary. Every day is dangerous because if they get stopped for a brake light out or something, they can be deported and youll never see them again. Jobs pay low and that affects the couple's finances. You cant get married for fear that it will make "getting papers" harder. You worry about what will happento you and/or your childen if your partner is deported. And most of all, many illegal immigrant men who get together with citizens do it so that they can "get papers." I dont want that for her. It is HARD. And I dont want her to get hurt.
I told our father about these concerns, and he is very upset but we cant really do anything about it. My mom has custody of my sister, and even though my dad has asked her to come live with him, she wont. Why would she, she gets to do whatever she wants now! And even if he fought for custody, in MD when a child is 13 or 16 (I forget which) they can decide with whom they want to live. My sister woul be 16 by then anyway. Can I do anything about this?
Also (sorry this is SO long) I planned to have J's pary next weekedn and was goign to invite both mom and dad and both sides of the family. They dont get along well, but I thought they would be able to be civil. Now, with what is going on with my sister, I know she will want to bring the 19 y/o boyfriend and I know my mom and dad and possible the rest of my family will end up getting into a fight. I dont want any probelms at my house. It is a small apartment and I just hate drama. So last night when my mo called to ask when the party was, I lied and said I wasnt having one. I feel bad about lying to her but I dont know what else to do. I really want to have Js party and Im close to my dads family. right now I think I might vomit if I see my mom or sister. Im very upset with them. So should I cancel the whole party? Or continue with the lie and only have my dads family over?
