To most people who think they know me, I seem to be an extrovert, because I have learned to be somewhat outgoing. But the truth is that I am an introvert. I am fairly shy about revealing who I really am and about finding out if people I think are special feel the same way about me.

I have many strengths and many people like and love me. And I've learned to feel good about that.

But I have weaknesses also, which if I allow myself, can spiral me down into being down on myself and life.

One weakness is that I "read into" the words and actions of others what I think they mean. I'm afraid to just ask them if they mean "so and so," so I think and think about what they mean, and am fairly convinced that they don't like me, or even that they are making fun of me.

I have got into arguments even here on this board (in the past) because of thinking I knew what others thought.

I know it's not easy for you, but try to open up with one person (and then 2, and then 3). Start with being honest with yourself, and ask yourself this. Since you know your ENTIRE life, including the difficulties that you've overcome, can you give yourself a break and forgive yourself for shortcomings, and even like yourself? Can you be willing to like yourself? And then pick one: a counselor (at school, or church), that girl you mentioned, your parent(s). A good place to begin discussion (I think) would be a print-out of this topic/thread discussion.

And if you can't do this today, at least think about it.

In the mean time, consider this: I think you're okay. You write well and seem quite sincere and honest.


Marge is the love of my life.