A twenty-year relationship is quite something and it's difficult to know what to say.
I wonder how she would have worded this if it had been her post?
We have a story of daily arguments, no romance, potential violence and a series of affairs. Why did she want it to last if you were hurting her so much and she could see that you were unsatisfied or unhappy? It could not have been good or positive for either of you.
You hurt her yet she wanted to save the relationship ~ she must have loved you very much or been very attached to you ~ and it seems that she still is.
It sounds as if you rather disappeared out of her life, rather than ending the relationship properly ~ so maybe there is a lack of 'closure'.
After twenty years I'm not surprised that you still feel somehow 'connected' to your ex. And you are bound to be concerned if you really believe that she might kill herself or harm you or your new partner.
This is complex ~ and with a risk of threat to life, apparently. I don't think that this can be solved via forum. Can you get some kind of counselling ~ even though the relationship is over?
Can you get some proper advice on the potential violence, and on her risks to herself? This needs to be given a lot of serious thought ~ the sooner, the better.
