Day 14 / Forgiveness and Ex-Partner
I think, again, this book repeats on certain topics figuring they are “sticky points” for many people and that iterations can be helpful. So rather than re-investigate the same situations from yesterday, I thought I’d take a different angle and look at my first boyfriend, who I dated all junior year of high school.
We met online, which nowadays is common, but in 1983 it meant an online BBS and dial-up connections and modems, and it was quite unusual. He lived an hour south. It was, as many teen romances tend to be, exciting and new and all-enthralling. Then we were looking at colleges and he started talking about marriage after that. I wasn’t ready to lock myself in and broke up with him. He took it hard.
So while I tend to look at that relationship as a nice year which was a pleasant part of my growth, he probably sees it as me breaking his heart. Perhaps from his point of view I was ‘the one’. He was ready to marry me. He was willing to put in the work. I gave up and left.
Should I have stayed, just because he wanted me to? Even though it didn’t feel right to me? I tried to break up gently, but is the “breakee” ever going to see it that way? Are they going to remember the sharp edges and focus on those?
I think it’s good to look at situations from all sides and remember that we’re all human. We all have our own paths. Sometimes they merge and sometimes they diverge. We can’t control what any other person does. We can only control our own reactions and our own steps.
I did the best I could with that relationship, and if I could have done better, I’m sure that could be said about any relationship.
I did meet up with him a few years ago and we had a nice dinner together, so I thought that was a good thing. We’re both in happy relationships now. So life all worked out. And I do have fond memories of my time with him.
On an interesting note, though, I told Bob where I was going, who I was going with, and, afterwards, how it went. Apparently my high school boyfriend didn’t do the same, judging by how his wife called mid-meal to ask where he was, as she was locked out of the house :). So I found that an indicator that I’d made the right choice both then and now.