Handling a Breakup
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hey I'm a male and i broke up with a girl about 6 months ago. It has took me awhile to get over her, but I managed to pull my self togeather and move on. I just recently met somebody and we are now dating. Everything is going great. But when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, beleive it or not I was hurt very bad emotionaly. I started doing things that I never should have done like drugs and I always felt depressed and hopeless about finding a girlfriend.
All that has changed now that i've met this girl and we are going out, but i always have my doubts about this relationship. I'm scared that I'm going to get hurt again and do something I will never even get a chance to turn back. I just don't know what to do about this. Please help me out.
The most important thing for you to realize is that breakups are NORMAL. Hardly anyone marries their very first girlfriend! The whole point of dating people is that you DO break up with lots of girls, and that along the way you figure out what works, what doesn't work, what you like, what you don't like. That way when you DO marry a girl, it isn't a "first time experiment". It's something you do after having TRIED various situations, and you now know that this current one is really and truly the one for you.
Yes, life hurts. But believe me, there are far more serious problems in life than a girl that doesn't like you any more. Part of what this is about is training you to deal with failure and issues so that you can handle them as you go on in life. If you really are that afraid of failure again, I would talk with a therapist and really work on this. You can't go into a relationship thinking "if this doesn't work, I can't go on." That is very unrealistic. You have to go into a relationship thinking, "What things can I learn from this relationship?" There are all sorts of things that each relationship teaches you. They are all very important. But you have to be understanding that relationships have issues, that you work on them, and that when they fail you learn and go on.
If you are having real difficulties with that, find a therapist to talk with, so that you work through them. Remember, this is just a training course for life. You need to work this through now, before you start hitting the *real* serious issues that exist in the world.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com