I'm Playing Head-Games with my Guy

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Me & My boyfriend got into a fight, bcuz i asked him why he didnt call me & he was like why do i always have to call you and i was like bcuz im ur gf & then i was like soo mad at him bcuz i couldnt beleive that he sed that to me!

so0o we IGNORED each other for that whole day & i was sooo SICK OF it so0o i was like fine i will break up with him & then he will be all sad & want me back bcuz that is what would normally happen & he was like soo FINE with it so0o then we like didnt ever talk or nething and one night i was talking to him & i told him that i still liked him bcuz he asked me who i liked! & he didnt say nething about it like he didnt even care well then a few weeks later we went to the movies & he totally used me! even tho he says that he didnt i know that he did bcuz after that ngiht we didnt talk for a few weeks!

well then the other ngiht we went out to each with four other people and we went to get ice cream & he asked me who i liked again but this time i just told him i was trying to0o decided & i didnt know who0o! & he was like guesssing every guy accpet himself!! He alwyas looks at me like in the halls and people notice it but like if i go slow to wait for him in the hallways u know so0o i like am ACCIDENTLY! haha not really walking by him then he will notice me & he act like he doesnt care!

Do u think that i should talk to him or what should i do! i mean how can i know if he likes me & if he does i think im still mad at him for using me!!!!!! WHAT DO I DO!!!!!

RomanceClass.com Advice
Jeez Louise!! OK first, you have got MANY things wrong here that you really have to fix if you're going to ever be happy with him or another boyfriend.

First. What is this nonsense about "the guy always calls the girl"?? What, are you a royal princess and the guy is your foot-servant that kneels at your feet and kisses your toes? What, is it too much trouble for you to show that you care about him enough to put out effort and pick up the phone to call him? How would you feel if your guy never bothered to call you or talk to you or look at you because he felt you were HIS servant and had to run around and do all the work? A relationship is about TWO people who care about EACH OTHER and who care so much that they actively do things to make each other happy. If you are just going to sit back and want to be waited on, you are going to end up alone. Nobody wants a spoiled partner.

Second. You two had an issue (which you caused). Your solution was to break up! You didn't bother to talk about the issue or try to find a solution that helped things. Nope, you decided to play *head games* with him and trick and manipulate and HURT him so he'd feel like he HAD to take you back. That's the sort of thing that drives just about every human being crazy! He's not a pawn in some game. He is a real, living human being with emotions and concerns. If you were a caring partner of his, you would try to work to keep things happy between you two. Instead, you hit a MINOR stumbling block and you threw in the towel. What does that tell him about you? That in the future, if you hit any issues, you're just going to take off again? Is that a quality you want in a friend or partner? What if your best friends, any time you had an issue, ran off on you and abandoned you? They wouldn't be much of a friend, would they? So in this case it's an even MORE important relationship - and you ditched him with pretty much no provacation. It's no wonder he stayed away for a while!

So you guys go to the movies and you have a good time. He thinks maybe things can work out. But probably afterwards he realized that you hadn't changed - that he was still fond of what he HOPED you could be but that what you REALLY were was a different thing. So again he stayed away for a few weeks. That doesn't mean he used you! It means like all human beings he is torn by conflicting emotions.

So anyway, he is obviously still attracted to you. But he's staying away because he knows that so far you've done many things to actively harm him, and that if he got back together with you you could easily just keep hurting him because you seem to think it's "fun". If you really want to date him again, you have to show him that you've realized this isn't a healthy way to have a relationship and you will be better in the future.

So the first thing obviously is that you have to STOP PLAYING GAMES with him. A relationship is about honesty, trust and caring. It is NOT about harming people for fun. So find a time ALONE with him and apologize. Say that you were upset, and did things that you realize now weren't good. That you care for him! And that you enjoyed being with him and miss being with him. That the things you did were because you cared for him a lot and were confused about what was going on.

Tell him that you want to be with him again. That you will work harder at it being an EQUAL relationship where you both work on it, where you both call each other, where you both show each other that you care. That this time when you have an issue you will TALK ABOUT IT and work it through. That randomly running off because it's easy is NOT an option. That you will really try to solve problems and work things through together, because you care about him and the relationship.

Yes, it's hard to be honest. But that is what a relationship is all about. And really, if you aren't capable of being honest with him, you really shouldn't date him.

I really think that's the only way you will have him reconsider dating you again. Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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