I do not want this to consume me!!!!!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
It's the volleyball chick again! I loved your advice before on my situation. You said that with few nudges from me that he would give up the "old" girlfriend. Well, here's the new thing...he was talking with a really good friend of mine about their relationship when he brought up how he felt about his new gf and how he felt about me. There was no prompting and he never just volunteers anything! He told her that he didn't care if he and the new gf quit speaking tomorrow, that she doesn't mean anything to him. Now, this coming from the guy who told me he doesn't like being alone. I know he's just filling his time! Back to what he volunteered about me...he openly stated that he missed me and that we were best friends and that he wants more than anything to be that way again but doesn't think I could do that. Basically he thinks that I want a marriage proposal. I am in no way going to rush marriage, especially now. I made it clear to him many times (or so I thought) that I wasn't ready, that I just wanted to know eventually it would happen, but I was completely happy just dating. Knowing him, this was a statement of him still loving me but scared to death that I want more than he can give me right now or what he is even ready for. If I just openly said I wanted to try this again and just start out as friends again I know it would be wonderful, probably better than before, and he would even drop the new gf. I don't want to be rejected by the offer of friendship. I don't want to make him think I'm trying to manipulate him in any way. I want my best friend back too. Thing is, how do I go about it? I've been nothing but confident and consistant around him. He knows I'm happy and independent, but he also knows that I truly love him. And deep in my heart I know he still does too. He always told me how he didn't want to be with anyone but me, that there were so many days that he was 100% ready to ask me to marry him, but he wasn't completely sure about what he wanted. How can I approach him without scaring him? He's a complete commitment phob! I'll continue to be friendly, but I shouldn't go out of my way, right? I want to know he wants the same relationship I do and I don't know how to go about that, if I should say anything or just let him figure it out. I do not want this to consume me!!!!!
It seems you two have the same goal in mind.
Remind him that you understand his phobia of commitment and that you are satisfied with that.
Don't let it consume you. Talk to him and get your thoughts going in the same track again.
Be open, honest, and trusting with him and expect the same in return.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com