He only gives me a little of his heart at a time
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
my boyfriend and i have been together for almost eight months. i love him to death and would do absolutely anything to make him happy. but sometimes i focus on making him so happy that i lose track of my own happiness. usually when i want something such a simple date or phone call he tends to often find an excuse. he seems to flake out on me. i usually take the excuse and forgive him but only to get hurt once more when he does not call me again. last night my bottled up feelings came roaring out. we were supposed to go to a show i had bought us tickets for. we had been planning this for a month. he called me when i was about to go pick him up from his house to go to the show to tell me that he was exhausted and hungry. i knew that this was most likely leading to another flake out. it made me anxious. he asked if we could go a little late but i refused to because my best friend was in the show and i did not want to miss anything. he said that i should just go alone then. we argued for 15 minutes and i lashed out my feelings about him flaking out on me often. i told him i never do it to him. i ended up going to the show alone. he called me to apologize but said that he was just exhausted and it wasnt a good nite. after the show i called him once more to talk about a lot of my feelings. i asked him if i depend and count on him too much. he said i do. he said 8 months is a short amount of time and things need room to grow. but can you really put a time frame on love? but i need that in a relationship. i didnt tell him that but it is something i need. i need someone to put me first and someone that i can count on and lean on and that does not get my hopes up just to put them down. it hurts too much. he said he was going to go to a party that night at his friends house and was going to call me when he got there to let me know if his friend was okay with me coming. i never got a phone call. how can you just finish telling someone that everything they tell you they are going to do, such as call you, gets your hopes up but they still dont call. i cried myself to sleep. in the morning i found a letter on my car from him. it was cute and proclaimed his love to me. but actions speak louder than words. he says he loves me and cares but i dont always get that vibe off of him. i feel like i put so much effort and open up so much to get so little. and it sucks because i am in complete love with my boyfriend. i would do anything and everything for him. i know he loves me but sometimes it seems he puts a cap on his love. i feel as if ive given him my whole heart and he has only taken little pieces of it. i feel like he only gives me a little of his heart at a time. i am so emotionally drained. i dont know what to do. it seems at times he makes me the happiest and at others he makes me the unhappiest. apart of me thinks about moving on and finding someone better but at the same time he has my heart and love and i couldnt imagine not being with him. i feel so confused.
I am sorry you are in this situation.
It is so hurtful when you give so much more than you get in love. Your b/f is right that it takes time for a relationship to gel, but he is not working in the right way to help strengthen your love.
You did the right thing by letting your feelings out, perhaps he will be more careful in the future. But, you may just be stuck with someone who flakes out a lot--it may be part of his personality that you aren't going to be able to change.
Be thankful you have a b/f and get as much enjoyment as you can. Slowly work on his defects and hopefully that will reduce the hurt you feel. It's sad that he is so insensitive some times.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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This guy is a JERK