He's Making Me do All the Work
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I was seeing a guy for 7 and a half months in an open relationship. Then he "forgot" that he had to take me to the airport because he was in jail overnight, but picked me up the next week so I thought things were ok. Next he forgot my birthday, and completely avoided me that night at school (we have classes on the same night at the local community college). I tried to get ahold of him for a week so we could talk about it, but when I finally did, he said he hadn't been home (he frequently claims to not get messages from his family).
Finally, when I got ahold of him, I asked him if what he wanted was to break up. He said yes so fast my head was spinning. He said that the relationship was "too much effort", although I'm the one who made the effort most of the time! I asked him if he thought we could fix things, and he said he'd "think about it".
I don't understand how he could make love to me so sweetly, then want to break up the next week. I don't know if he met someone else or what. And I don't want to sit around waiting for him to call, *if* he calls. Please help.
Wow, a relationship always takes time and effort - and both people have to put it in. It's not effort like in "Wow this is a lot of work!" but it's effort that you put in gladly - like remembering someone's birthday or taking them to dinner or whatever. That he was UNHAPPY at having to do these things is really a sign that he simply wasn't mature enough to really work on this relationship.
Sex is easy. Pretty much anyone can make love in a tender way. They are getting an immediate feedback. But really caring for someone is another story.
I would consider yourself lucky that you realized he was like this before you got yourself in too deeply with him. We all make good and bad decisions in life and all of them help us learn more about what is good and bad in a relationship. I think this relationship sounds like it taught you some things to avoid! Take care of yourself for a few weeks - take hot bubble baths, read good books, watch movies you love, eat your favorite foods. Let the trouble he's caused wash out of your system. I think when you find a new guy who is really caring and tender, you'll be immensely happy and realize just how much of a bad egg this other guy was.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com