I'm not like his past boyfriends
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 7 months. im am completely in love with him. i love him and care for him like i love and care for my family and friends. he, on the other hand, told me that he does not feel like he could say that he loves me like he loves his family and friends. it was hard to hear, but i understand. i have done so much for him. he was kicked out of his dad's house and then his sister's house and both times i was there to take him in and help him out. i dont want to sound selfish, but i really do think i support him and love him more than a lot of his family. they treat him like dirt most of the time and when they do he turns to me. its hard to understand why he doesnt love me the way i love him. one time i wanted to go on a date with him on a saturday night and usually he hangs out with his cousin every saturday night. i asked him to skip a night with his cousin for a romantic evening with me considering that he gets to see his cousin everyday since they live together and i only get to see him once or twice a week for a few hours. he snapped at me telling me that i was trying to take him away from his family even though i have absolutely no intentions of such a thing. i just want a little bit of attention from him. i think its a beautiful thing that he has absolute unconditional love for his family but at the same time its hard to love, admire, and care for someone so much and not get a little bit of attention from him that you want so bad. i love him to death but i find myself unhappy at times because i cater a lot more to his needs than he does to mine. i want to work this relationship out because i know it can work. a part of me thinks the reason he has a hard time completely opening up and giving me his full heart is because he has been hurt by so many boyfriends in the past. i think he might rely most on his family because he knows even if they do not support him and do not treat him in the best way, they will not just leave him or stand him up like his past boyfriends. i want to let him know that im not like his past boyfriends. im here to stay and love him the way he deserves to be. i want to treat him like royalty. but at the same time i want my needs to also be met. how do i get him to open up to me more. how do i get him to rely on me more and assure him im here no matter what?
He has all kinds of hurts that he is trying to deal with.
But so is everyone else. He needs to learn to trust you and not put you into the category of his previous boyfriends.
The path to this trust will have to be beaten by your loving behavior for a long time. Seven months is really not long enough to make him give up his distrustful ways.
Has he ever sought professional counseling to help him with his trust problems? If not, perhaps now is the time. The fact that he has been thrown out of his father's and then his sister's homes would also suggest that counseling is in order.
Meanwhile, continue building the trust with him and hope for the best.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com