Friends don't let Friends Ask People Out for them

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Theres this girl in my class that i like, and for the longest time I wanted to ask her out but could never find the nerve to do it. So one of my friends and does this for me which i didnt like. Well she said that she was talking to this other guy and that if things didnt work out with him then she would go out with me, but things came up and since then we havent talked or nothing.

Now im so confused, first she said she has a boyfriend, then i was told that its not true.What can i do with this type of situation? Advice
First, it's a really, really bad idea to have someone else asking a girl out for you!! The whole point of asking someone out is that YOU really care about HER and want to expand your personal relationship. It's hardly personal if you have a 3rd party going in the middle! Not only that, but it shows her that you aren't even able to talk to her about going out - and if you can't do that, what are you going to do when you are actually OUT with her? It's sort of treating her like a cow or horse or something else unimportant, that you can just let "one of your friends take care of it for you."

In any case, she understandably didn't react too keenly to this and said she was already talking to another guy. She didn't say she had a boyfriend. Probably what she had was a "potential boyfriend" - a guy she was interested in. And she still has this guy she's interested in. So what do you do.

Well first, the most important thing for ANY couple is that they be really good friends first, long before they start going out. And you guys aren't even talking yet! So your first stage is to start TALKING to her and get to be friends with her. Get to be in her "group of friends". That way when she thinks about "what fun guy do I want to spend time with this weekend" it's your name that is popping into her mind.

So get talking to her!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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