I want to confront the issues or get some closure
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My relationship with this girl started as a very strong friendship. I have just finalized my divorce and even though she knows I am interested in her and would like to date her she feels that it wouldn't be right to date me immediatly. We have both expressed that we love each other and she has often hinted that eventually when enough time had passed we could get together. However, in the mean time she is considering dating other guys. Sepcifically one that I feel kinda knew the situation between me and this girl and knew that if he didn't get the foot in the door the door would shut for him and he would lose his chance. The relationship between this girl and I is more amazing than anything I have ever felt and we used to always do things to make each others lives better. We spent all our time together and we slept together (not sex) just to let each other know that we are there. However, the other guy has expressed serious interest in dating her and she is considering it. I offered to bow out of the picture but she won't let me. I don't really want to be the back up plan like in My Best Friend's Wedding. This decison that she must make between the two of us is completly stressing her out and she has been discussing it with her councilor. She has many thoughts written down for me but will not give them two me. For the past two months we have barely hung out or even talked. She is trying to sort the situation out. I Love her beyond belief and this situation is agonizing for me. I write her e-mails everyday. About a week ago I mentioned in an e-mail that I loved her and she asked me how I knew. I gave her a very thoughtful and powerful responce and I left it on her doorstep with 2 roses. For the past week I have had no responce.
We used to play sports everyday together but now I cause her more stress because I want to address our issues. She wants me to play sports with her but ignore the issues until she sorts them out. I can't be around her because I don't understand what is going on or what she is thinking and I want to confront the issues or get some closure. So now I have to avoid all of the places I would normally go each day to play sports.
I am maddly in love with this girl but I don't want to wait around while she (possibly) dates another guy.
What can I do to imporve this situation or do I have to just play by her rules and let her sort through things in her own time? What confuses me is that she has told me that she loves me more than anything in the world and that she does think that we can have a succeful long term relationship.
As with most situations you deal with this story is more complicated then can be shared in such a brief letter.
Thank you a million times over for any adivce and help that you can lend to me.
I think you should continue playing sports with her.
While it creates tension for you, it also brings you together. You could make sure you were on a different team than she is. Playing a sport together is a very strong bond. Be sure you are cheerful on the court.
Since you aren't playing that is going to create stress for you also.
You can compliment her play every so often so she doesn't think you are ignoring her. Nice pass, nice set, nice dig, nice serve... you get the idea.
Make sure you give her enough space to sort out her feelings. That appears to be what she needs most now.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com