During the winter break they start hanging out
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well lets see where should I start? Okay... well my girlfriend and I have a interesting past. We first started dating 3.5 years ago. The first time around I broke things off before it got too serious because I had some things to take care of in my life (I had to get this other girl out of my life so it didn't effect our relationship). So I felt bad and did what I had to do it took about a year and then I called her and tried things again wiht her, but around that time I was in a wired part of my life mixed up with drugs and alcohol. A I felt that that would hurt the relationship if we got involved at the time (becaues she dose neither). So I do really let things get started again. After I took care of that I came back to her and I was ready for this relationship. I explained to her exactly why I did what I did. I really felt that this relationship could be something special and I didn't want anything to mess it up. So now we've been together for 18months this time around and it has been great. We don't argue, we make each other happy, we help each other through life's problems ect. Needless to say... we love each ther very much. We decided to move in together because going to school and living on your own can be expensive plus we felt that our relationships was strong enough to do so. We have been living together for 5 months and all of sudden last week (while we both went home for winter break) she started acting a lil different. I didn't say anything but I knew something was up. I knew when she was ready she'd tell me. Turns out that she felt the she dosen't know what makes her happy anymore? And now she has a decision to mak weather to keep on the same path with everything (mainly our relationship) or to go find what makes her happy (which she says she can't do while being together). Now this came out of no where and isn't making much sense to me. I do understand that she is going through something right now but we can get through it toget her.. right? I mean we've been through bigger stuff before and we made it. So why is this happening now? What do I need to do to keep her? She decided to break up with me! She says she loves me and that it didn't do anything wrong. She says it not that she wants to see other people either. Well if she loves me and its not any of that the why is she doing this? She say that all her life she ahs been just trying to make other people happy. And because she is always trying to keep me happy (which isn't hard. I don't ask for much I a simple man) somewhere along the way she has forgoten who she is and forgot what makes her happy? But she says "yes" I make her happy but she can't find what else makes her happy if we are romantically involed right now. She say that she loves me and always will, and that she loves me enough to let me go because she dosen't want to drag me through what she is about to go throught righ now. she says if I really love her as much as I say I do then I'll let her go? Its not that easy. At this point in the relationship we always tell each ohter that we'll help each other through what ever life hands us, and we have and it made the relationship stronger so why is this any different? Is she running from something or what? I just need to know what is going on. What should I do to try and make her have a change of heart?
Befor you answer there is an little something more to the story. The is this other guy who is one of her really good friends. She is the type of girl to have a lot of guy friends. Well he disappeared for a year in a half (about the time we got together) then all of a sudden hes back and shes happy because he goes to school out in boston and we're in Cali. So during the winter break they start hanging out more and more. Not once was I invited but I trust her. I find out the abotu a month ago he told her that he has always had a thing for her. Now she says that she isn't leaving me for this guy. I beleive her. She also says that this had nothing to do with her decision. I'm not buying that even if she is telling the truth him doing that and hang out with her didn't help what was going on at all. I just don't know what to think any more? Is she not telling me somethings because she dosn't want to hurt me too bad or what? Its been three days since the break up. I just want to know is she going to come back to me? Is there anything that I can do to make her change her mind and try and work through all this while still being together? I need answers? I need help? I need her back? :o(
It's only been three days.
What you should do is call her once a week to see how she is doing, to let her know you still care, and the maintain contact. Be cheerful, don't dwell on your relationship, and limit your calls to 15 mins. This will give her the space she needs and give you the contact you need.
Of course, if she hasn't moved out yet then you will need to take the above advice and modify it to your actual conditions. The basic ideas are listed above. Don't whine, beg, implore, or whatever. She said she needs her space and so let her have it.
It is not unusual for women to want to stand back and see the big picture at about the age of 21, so maybe this is what is happening.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com