I really don't want to lose him
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hi...I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months now. We met in July and ever since then I've been in love. The problem is he went away to school and we didn't start anything serious so we're just talking and hooking up but nothing more. Now that he's graduating from college, I talked to him about the whole relationship thing and he said that he doesn't want a relationship...he's not sure what he wants and that maybe things can change with us in the future...but he's not sure what he wants right now. When he told me that I was crushed. I knew he was hooking up with other girls...but he doesn't want me to hook up with other guys. And I am just wondering if he cares about me...because we would talk on the phone all the time and talk about how much he misses me and all this stuff and I felt like he really does care about me. Then I told him I was going on a date to see what he would say and I could see that he got a little jealous. He said that if I end up liking this guy, I have to tell him. And he wouldn't tell me why it was important I told him but I think it's because he would be jealous. I'm not sure what to think though. I don't wanna scare him off. I brought up the whole relationship thing and asked him if he was seeing someone else, and he got all weird and became somewhat distant. I asked him why he avoided me and he said I was being weird and too pushy because we're not going out and I shouldn't act that way. It's just killing me though because I am seriously in love with him. I can't tell him that though because we're not in a relationship but I really don't want to lose him. I want us to be together but obviously he's not ready for a commitment :( I don't know what to do and I'm trying to figure out if he likes me or not.
Sounds like he cares enough to be jealous but doesn't care enough to have a relationship.
This sounds like a guy who wants to have his cake and eat it too. In other words he may be using you.
You need to have some more conversations with him on what kind of relationship he thinks you and he have. If he avoids the topic the ask him some pointed questions like "what do you feel for me?"
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com