I had to commend myself for how healthy my actions and frame of mind were
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
It's been a while since I have written, and I hope you remember my sitch. I thank you for all your advice and support through it all. It was a tough road but even I had to commend myself for how healthy my actions and frame of mind were through the whole thing. It made me realize how strong I am and how much growth i have gone through personally in my life through relationships. As well, the lack of jealousy, desperation, insecurity and obsession on my part also helped me realize the strength of my relationship bond and how healthy our connection was/is.
I wanted to give you an update....
As you might recall, back in October, the last to have happened between me and my "ex" was he was 'on a break' from his new g/f and had contacted me. However after 2 weeks he opted to try once again with her to "be sure" and give it an honest shot. This unfortunately entailed being completely out of contact with me because his emotions were still involved with me and he couldnt fully try another relationship if in contact with me. He admitted his feelings with me were still very strong....but this was something he felt he had to do....for himself. He was 'confused' and needed to sort things out for himself. This was excrutiating! The break-up was hard enough but to not be able to speak to one another via any means was very hard to deal with. Your advice was to try to remain in contact if even every 2 weeks or so....
Well, I had good reason to drop a "good luck" email in November as he was taking a profession exam...and that's pretty much all I said. I respected his decision for space so that he could in fact find what he wanted and needed. He did respond positively. End of November was his birthday. Again...just a "happy birthday" email was sent his way.
Soon I was recieving contact from him. I remained distant as he requested however he started contacting ME! He was still with her but told me his 'confusion' was clearing. He thought of me constantly, and missed me. He found himself realizing the things he liked about his current relationship were simply things he didnt give effort to in ours....but his FEELINGS were for me....not her. I listened but simply told him I cared very much for him and hoped he found his way. I'd be 'here'.
Within 2 weeks he contacted me and said he KNEW. He was ending it with her. He said he was a fool and didnt know what he was thinking! He said he realized in the last 6 months being with someone else all the things that mattered and the things he 'messed up' the first time we were together. He missed me terribly. He said he felt emmense respect for me at how I was willing to 'be there' for him through it all....not putting my life on hold for him but rather allowing him to take the time he needed with no pressure. He said it really showed him what was important and what he was missing.
There is so much I could tell you that has happened in the last 6 months however I'll just tell you that we have started 'dating' again. We are not "back together"....but simply starting over again. He said he wants to take me out on dates and take things slowly to rebuild the foundation between us. Jumping back in would be a mistake - we both know that. A lot has happened for us both in 6 months but the best thing is realizing what was missing and mistakes that were made. He says he doesnt want to repeat those mistakes with me so taking it slow is good. He needs time to 'regain' himself as well and I am willing to take the time and give the time.
He says he still sees our future and wants that very much to happen....in fact just last night I had dinner with him and his parents! (That never happened the first time we dated).
What I take away from my experience is great. If you find you have lost yourself in a breakup, then you need to analyze what it was you THINK you had with your partner. It's hard to go through, yes, but you have NOT lost everything. If you feel you have then take the time for yourself to be introspective. If someone asks for something they NEED (like space) then grant them that out of love and respect. If your ex is with someone else then dont let your own insecurity or jealousy destroy you....what is this going to gain? What is this doing for your potential of getting back together with your 'ex'? The reality is that giving the opportunity to have time or space even if with another person is allowing them time to realize what they want...need...miss in you....and what anyone else cannot provide them that you can.
Remember the old line "if you love someone let them go...."? It's true. But most of all, love YOURSELF! As much as you love someone and it's hard to let them go, you need to be able to be strong and happy on your own...independently.
Time will only tell for me and my relationship, but the possibilities are wonderful. I can already see a change in us both for what this experience has gained for us. It's allowed us both to grow, both indivudually and now together. I am very happy where I am. :)
Thanks so much for all your support and advice!!
I am so glad to hear that things are working out for you!!
Thank you very much for writing with the update. It makes me feel good to know I helped someone.
Good luck for the future!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com