She Wants to be Lovers

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I met this girl at college, she is 29 I'm 22. She is studying nursing and I'm studying computing.

Before we got chatting we used to smile to each other. We met because she asked me a question about the computer she was working at. It was a Friday so the college library closed at 17.00. The library computers get shut-down at around ten minutes before closing time (it was around 16:50) I stopped working at the computer which I was working at then sat at a table. Shortly afterwards she stopped working at the computer which she was working at. She then proceeded to the exit. I followed and on the way to her car we chatted. She offered me a lift to my home.

Since then we have "seen each other". Not as a "regular" boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but one where I can't kiss or hold her hand in public. I found-out why this was. I asked her why and she answered she is just my lover and nothing more and it will never be anything more and I shouldn't get so emotionally attached. I want us to have a "regular" relationship. Advice
It sounds like she's playing word games and being quite unfair to you. When you are with another person, you should respect them, care for them and enjoy being with them - no matter what else is going on in your lives. It really sounds like she is *using* you if she can say to you that she doesn't want to CARE about you but wants you to be around her. How can you even say to someone "I will not care for you. Don't bother to care for me. But we should spend time together." That makes no sense at all.

Maybe she was hurt in the past and this is her way of having someone to "play with" without risking being hurt. But nobody has the right to use other people like that as "objects". Especially if she is into nursing, she should have already been taking classes on human emotions and such and should understand these things. I would really find someone else to spend time with. Or if you simply must spend time with her, tell her that you two need to talk about this seriously. Because for her to tell you to your face that she doesn't care anything about you is very unhealthy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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