Should I Get Back with my Ex?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I have been dating off and on for approximately four years during high school. Of course the issue came about where we were going to college. He decided to go 8 hours away. And I decided to go thirty minutes, but we agreed to try and make it work I mean we can always transfer.

Unfortunately, I never made it to that particular college because I found out I was pregnant. He was furious that I had decided to keep the baby, and began avoiding,ignoring, and just being plain mean towards me. He still decided to go with me to my first doctor's visit, and sonogram. After seeing the baby he became that excited expectant father.

The next week he left for college. My friend up there told me they saw him talking to some girl, but they weren't sure if it was any more than a conversation. He cursed them out for causing me to beleive it was more than a conversation.

A few months later I lost the baby. The next month, He told me we weren't compatible, and he wasn't happy. My nonprofessional friends told me it was probably distance. Whenever he came home, he would always call,and talk and hang out with me. During Christmas break, we had a blockbuster night. That led to something more. He called me the next day, and said it should not have happened because we are supposed to be "friends."

All of my friends are in school with him, and I had to change my phone plan to accomodate the long distance calls from my friends. I decided to move up there, but I wanted to visit first. Spring break, I did. I went to his school, and he came to see me, he sat and talked to me, and he conversated with me & my friend the entire time. After returning home, he bagan to call more often. At least once once or twice a week.

I have dated since him. At least two or three other relationships. They all turned out to be a disaster. I have the reoccurent dream at least every other night that he said he was sorry,and we started all over.

It's summer vacation, and everyone is home. My friend told me he had a new girl friend who had him in her words "whipped." He told me that he had to talk to her, and everytime I call him he's mad at her.

What should I do? Should I fight for him back? Should I change residences? Advice
It sounds like he considers you a fun person to hang out with casually, when it's convenient, but not someone worth putting any serious effort into. That's really not a good thing for a relationship. Every relationship takes work, takes two people who are willing to go the extra mile to make sure things work out well.

I wouldn't go following him up to school. If your friends are there and you miss your friends, maybe go to be near them and to take courses you enjoy. If things work with him while you're there, that's fine. But I would not make him the main reason you do something. Think seriously about what you want to learn about in college, and which college gives you the best chance to do that. There will always be guys around to spend time with, and many of them will be far better for you than he sounds like he has been.

If he's actively fighting with his new girlfriend, the last thing you want to do is get involved in that. You should never, ever try to break another couple up. If you did, then any time anything went wrong after that he would blame you - he would remember the great parts about his other relationship and focus on the bad parts of what you are.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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