If I do not know where I stand itís almost like setting myself up for hurt
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Well here I am again...confused with no answers for myself. So, of course, I turn to you. So I have been seeing this guy since September and I like him more than anyone Iíve ever dated before. In the beginning of November he asked me if I liked him and I told him that I did. I told him that it isnít often that I like someone. At this point he didnít tell me the feelings were mutual. I didnít dare to ask. So far we have not talked about if we are together or not. But he has made it evident that I should not be doing things with other men. He will say things like he has spies out watching me to make sure I donít "do anything." Then the next minute he is commenting on my ďother boyfriendĒ which I do not have almost like he thinks there has to be someone else. Then he will say, well I donít have any other girlfriends so you are lucky. Last night I was over at his place and he asked me who I kissed at ball drop. He was in another state for new years. I said nobody, wich is the truth, and asked him who he kissed and he said nobody but then commented that he was trying to kiss this one girl but she wasnít having it. I donít know why he said this to me. But he said it jokingly....I just didnít know how to take it. We see each other about three times a week, we both like our space, but its getting to the point now where I have no idea if he takes me seriously or not. He seems to have it in his head that I have lots of other men and I donít know how to convince him that Iím just for him. I would simply ask him if we are together or not but Iím afraid that will scare him away. He seems very afraid of commitment and thinks all girls will cheat on him. These feelings of his are from a past relationship where his girlfriend who he wanted to marry slept with another man and he then found out she had slept with many other men. He once commented to me that he was "had" once and he wouldn't be had again. But that was in October. Last month I told him that he could be had and all he said was "your had." As for me up until this point I have not been able to be faithful to a boyfriend but for the past four months I have not had any desires to be with anyone else. Up until I met him I didnít think it was possible for me to be committed to one person. So my question is how I should handle this situation. I want to tell him about my lying cheating past but Iím afraid he will not trust me after I reveal this to him. I also want to find out if he takes me seriously or not but I donít know how to go about it because I donít want to send him running. So do you think I should just wait a few more months and just see if things develop? Or do I need to have ďthe talk.Ē Do you think all this talk about ďother menĒ in my life and him telling me about ďtrying to kiss this girlĒ is him just trying to protect how he feels about me? I almost feel like I need to know now because I am beginning to like him more and more and if I do not know where I stand itís almost like setting myself up for hurt. He tells me that he would let me know if he did anything with any other girls and so far he hasnít said anything about other girls. So george, what do you think I should do? And what do you think is really going on here in his head? Oh yeah, if this helps I'm 21 and he is 25 (old enough to start thinking about commitment)
I don't have a good feeling about this relationship.
He is hyper-hyper-sensitive to cheating.
You have a "lying cheating past." Do you plan to have an honest open relationship with him? You really can't and that will ultimately ruin it.
Also you two have made very little progress over a significant amount of time.
Unfortunately my advice is for you to bail out on him... explaining if you wish.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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