A Flirtatious Boss
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Im curious if my boss is flirting with me. He makes comments in which I'm unsure if its a simple conversation or a flirtatous comment. An example would be my mentioning how this guy at works loves being near me, he replied by saying I can't blame him....Another would be him mentioning if I liked the hot weather, I said yes, he said he didn't like hot weather, and prefered the cold weather. He then asked if I liked cold weather, after I said no he said your not my kinda girl...but I won't hold it against you. Am I imagining that he's flirting...
It definitely sounds like he's flirting. The question is whether you feel comfortable with it or not. A lot of people at work flirt, it's part of the fun of working with fun people. In just about every job I've worked there's been a few flirtatious guys that say things like "You look lovely today!" or so on. Really, it's being a nice friend, he bolsters your self esteem and flatters you and helps you feel good about yourself. Girls encourage girlfriends in a different way than guys do, but in both cases it's a way to be friendly and to make you happy. When guys do it it's just called "flirting".
Because you work for your boss, though, and he is in a position of power over you, there has to be a pretty clear line of what is reasonable behavior though. Your income depends on him, and you should NEVER feel like that income in ANY way could be dependent on any non-work behavior of yours. You shouldn't feel that you might not get as good of a raise, or be promoted, or get to do the projects you want to do just because you don't flirt back.
Every one of us has different levels of flirtation they enjoy. One woman in your job might *love* the attention and thrive on it and not have it bother her work ethic at all. But another woman might be really upset by the flirtation and want him to stop completely and be completely non-friendly.
The question is what *you* personally feel comfortable with. If you enjoy the fun flirting, then it's fine. As long as it's just fun talk, and you enjoy it, then enjoy it :)
But if it in ANY way makes you uncomfortable or like he's too interested in you - which it sounds like it does if you're writing to ask about this - then let him know in a quiet but firm manner. When he makes a comment like that again, wait until you two are alone (you don't want to turn this into a public spectacle) and then ask him quietly please not to say things like that, it bothers you, because you work for him. If he's ANY kind of good boss he will understand completely, apologize and back off. If he gives you any sort of hassle, it means he has NO idea what a boss relationship is supposed to be about, and you might want to consider finding another boss that does. A boss can really make or break any work environment. A good boss can make an awful job really great, and a bad boss can make the best of jobs a living nightmare.
Good luck!! And remember, a boss should always be a mentor - support you, encourage you and help you learn. If your boss is making you uncomfortable, he's failing in HIS job.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com