I Want her Back

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Okay...I thought she really liked me. But two nights ago she started talking with my old friend. Then they started making out. When I found out I was furious. Now there going out.

I don't know if she is trying to make me jealous or what but I just want her back. And i don't know how to get her back or if i should. I'm just so clueless. Please tell me what to do. I feel so miserable inside.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I guess the first question is if you were really dating, as in seeing each other often and with some sort of commitment to each other. If so, then what she did was VERY slimy. She should not just start being sexual with someone else without talking to you, who she was already with. If that was the case, I would let her know that she behaved very badly and consider yourself lucky to be free of her. You should know that it was *very* good you found this about her NOW and not when you were even more close.

On the other hand, maybe she thought you were just good friends. What happens a lot in relationships is one person thinks it is serious, and the other thinks it's casual. So when the one that thinks it's casual moves along to someone else, the one who thought it was serious is really upset. Maybe this happened? Are you sure she believed she was in a committed relationship with you? Had you ever talked about it in that way? It could be that she found you fun to be around, but that she was still looking for a "romantic partner" and found it in her old friend.

In either case, a relationship needs two people that both really want to be with each other. It can't be made up of one person that really loves the other, and a second person that isn't interested. It sounds like she really just isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you right now. You can't force someone to *be* interested. So the best thing you can do, if indeed she doesn't fall into the slimy first category, is to stay being her friend. Be there to talk to her and support her. You never know, she may find out this new boyfriend of hers is not what she wants after all, and realize that your friendship is really what she needs. All great relationships begin with friendship, so the key to being with someone that you love is to always be a friend.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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