Should I see him when I am there?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Where to begin? I married young, 21. I am now 30 with 2 kids. My husband is a very un-affectionate person and we have had problems for years. We both basiclly stay for the kids and finances. In May I met a guy while on a business trip. I though it was just a small fling at first. We live four hors from eachother he has a steady girlfriend of 5 years and I married. We spoke for three weeks after the trip. Soon to be we started seeing eachother once or twice a month, I traveling there or he here. We would spend hours talking about our lives and goals. He told his friends he was in love with me and he felt like he had two girlfriends. They tried to talk him out of our relationship as did my friends, but we never listened. He would become jealous of business associates I had. I am a loving person and grew very attatched. He said he considered me his "secondary relatiosnhip". He would tell me he loved me and the simplicity of what we had. He came and met my friends and saw my hometown. We both respected the other's relationship. This went on for 5 months, then last month he said he couldn't do this to his girlfriend anymore, she didn't deserve it. Which I agreed with, we were both doing this to two other people. I accepted this, it was hard, but it was for good reason. He said he would always think fondly of what we had. Now, in a little over a month, he has sent me an email stating he thinks of me often, but things are still going well with his girlfriend, he also asked if anything ended up developing with a co-worker of mine he use to be jealous of , and put just curious. Then last week I got a text message from him asking me if I was anywhere near him for work that week, he could have used my company. I am still so in love with him. I have sent emails before this with no reply and now after a month he is contacting me. I will be in his town next month for work, which he knows about. His last email said have a happy holiday, maybe we can get together in January. I feel as if I don't know what to do. When we are together it is so intense conection wise, but I can't keep dropping my life for this guy. I would love to see him though, and I feel like if this is over he at least owes me closure in person. I just know though if we see each other where it will go and he said he couldn't do that anymore when he ended things. What is he doing? And should I see him when I am there?

Confused and Still in Love Advice
Perhaps he thinks it is over and so it's ok to see each other again.

Or, he is so attracted to you he can't help himself.

My usual advice would be to stay away from him because you are married and you might threaten the marriage. However, in this case your affair is probably helping your marriage as it stands.

So, meet with him with the intention of reaching closure, but realizing that it may turn out to be a resuming of your previous relationship.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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