My Net Lover is Drifting Away

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I met this girl on the internet about 3 months ago, since then we have become very close and intement and i have fealings of love for her, i spend just about every night talking to her either by msn or phone, i love spending time for her, but lately i have begun to feel like she is trying to ditch me, bc when i call she is like yea i gotta go and always "accedently" hanging up saying 'my battery went dead" or something.

i feel like she is trying to blow me off, today i learned that she cheated on me with this guy barry that she "just met" last night and i dont know what todo about her, i love her sooo much and dont want to ruin this relationship, what do i do, what do i do Advice
An internet relationship can seem incredibly intense because you are always talking and sharing when you can, and dreaming about each other when you're not together. But on the other hand, it is very much made up of illusions. You only see each others words, so you invent a range of emotions behind them, read in layers of meanings, and build up an entire world around them.

It is very hard to maintain a long distance relationship because those people in your immediate, real life are the ones that can hold you and pat your shoulder when you're sad, and hold your hand when you're happy, and so on. It's very hard to compete against that with just letters and numbers on a computer screen. And since a lot of an internet relationship is based on what you "think" the other person is feeling, it might be that they were sort of interested but not REALLY interested and you just kept assuming that their level of emotions was matching yours.

So in any case if she is kissing a real life guy, it seems like she is feeling the need for real-life contact that she just can't get in an internet relationship. This isn't just a net problem - the same problem happens with boyfriends who go overseas for military duty or wives that go to another state for a work assignment and so on. It's something all long distance relationships have to work through.

The most important thing in any relationship is honesty and trust. So it's important you talk to her about this. She may not realize just how important you feel the relationship is, or maybe she really wants some physical affection in her life. Find out what it is that she needs. The only way you can find out how to solve the problem is to talk about what the problem is in the first place. Maybe you guys can find a way to meet up every few weeks so you have that time together. Or maybe you will have to be happy being a great friend of hers, but knowing that she is going to date a real life guy because she wants someone to go to movies and dances with. If that's the case, certainly stay friends with her, but you might want to look around in your own life for your own real life girl. Because while net relationships are fun and can seem very powerful, nothing can really match what it's like having someone there next to you, sharing your experiences at your side. It's the thing that every net lover wants to happen, to be together instead of making guesses at emotions behind words.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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