I feel that he is being being played and allowing himself to be played..
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
please help me!! i feel at the end of my rope and i dont know what to do...
this is the situation: i live with my best friend (we're both guys) and we click amazing as friends and roomates. now, my friend, lets call him D, has had an on/off relationship with this girl for a few years now. he is totally smitten with her and the past breakups have been usually because of her....i think there have been 3 already. recently they broke up again and it seemed to be for good. then the post break up sex started. then that stopped as both seemed to reign in their lust with the reality of the situation.
this past weekend, my roomie had a one night stand with some girl, and i thought allright! this is decisive move, its really over between him and ex.....but no! now theyre chilling together even more, she's always sleeping over and making a mess of our place. she commented a while back, when they were still together that she couldnt take hanging at our place all the time because it was so messy yet in the vast majority of situations it was her herself making the mess and not cleaning up after herself and generally being a slob. just her very presence in our apartment makes me uncomfortable. i dont like how she seems to be playing my roomie for sex. she comes off as totally inconsiderate of others feelings, especially that of my roomate D. i feel he deserves much better. as well, i can see that he sort of cant stop himself because he's so in love with her, but the whole situation is starting to paint him in a less than favourable light..
i used to really like this girl, as a friend, when they first hooked up but as time went by i began to see more and more of her true personality, which is completely self-absorbed and inconsiderate....i dont how to bring up the issue with my roomie, and whether or not i should stick to rommate type issues like cleanliness on the ex gf's part, or should i also say that i dont like her as a person anymore as well...please help, i love my friend very much and feel that he is being being played and allowing himself to be played..
My advice is to tread very lightly in this area and basicly try to let him solve the problem himself.
The next time she is over, organize a clean up party and see if she takes part. If she doesn't it could be an eyeopener for your roommate.
As far as discussing this with him, make sure he is open to listening to the subject. You can casually mention that his girlfriend is getting on your nevers lately and ask him how he feels about the way she is acting. Try not to make belittling remarks about her to him because he will just get defensive.
I hope this helps a little! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com