I know what real pain feels like and nothing else compares to heartbreak
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hi, I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 years, we we very much in love. We both moved to the same city for university in september but the stress of everything changing caused arguments. We took things out on each other because we felt we didn't know our new friends well enough. In one particular argument I really hurt him, I said something which I knew would hurt him because it relates to something in his past.
It was stupid, and I didn't say it just to hurt him, it was just something stupid that happened because I was so upset. He left me a few weeks after this arugment, saying he couldn't get over what I did, and that I dissapointed him and that he was really hurt. This was nearly 2 months ago. I'd tried to talk about it but until then he'd insisted we were happy. He insited we would stay good friends and he said he still cared about me alot. He moved on very quickly, he had a new girlfriend within days. It broke my heart. However now we are becoming the great friends he said we would, and he's told me that he doesn't care about the new girl anything like how much he cares about me, and he says he can't see himself loving her.
They'v been together just over a month but he says that although he spends lots of time with her, he kinda forgets it, and feels alone alot of the time, he forgot to get her a birthday present, he often calls her 'weird' and says he doesn't see a future with her. I asked if he left her for me and he went kind of crazy, he said he'd never do that, and I'm one of the best people he knows and he'd never pick her over me, its just that I hurt him and she hasn't yet, and he also said that if she hurt him then it wouldn't bother him, he'd just forget her and get on with his life, but he can't forget me.
He came round the other day and had lunch at mine. He kept saying how great it was to see me and to hang out with someone who knows him and someone who he likes. He told me I was his best friend and he had tears in his eyes, he kept playing music that meant somethign to us, concerts we'd been to, our favourite bands etc. He started sobbing when I thought he'd left me for her and when he hugged me he held me so tightly, and then he said my hair smelt nice.
I think he still loves me, he keeps telling me how much I mean to him. But he can't get over the arguments, that one in particular, he says I disappointed him, but he also said that he wans to forgive me, and he said he was more worried that I didn't want to forgive him. He said I seemed too angry. I told him a few weeks ago that I still wanted to be with him, but he said that wasn't fair so this time I didn't say anythign like that.
I can't see why he's with this girl if she doesn't mean that muc to him, is he trying to punish me? I know he likes her, but its also becoming obvious that he has no deep feelings for her, I don't know whether to ask him about it or let him figure it out on his own. He asked me if I wanted to meet her but I said no, I don't know what it would achieve. He said he wants his best friend to meet.. 'this lady' he says he doesn't really like calling her his girlfriend.
This weekend we both go back to our hometown for christmas holidays. He wants me to get the train with him but unfortunately I already bought an earlier ticket. His girlfriend will be hundreds of miles away (he'd never cheat or anything, I just mean I'd have more influence) and I'll see him lots these few weeks. Do you have any advice? Should I tell him that I still love him? I was thinking of telling him what I've learnt from this, that I don't get upset over little things anymore because I know what real pain feels like and nothing else compares to heartbreak. What do you think? (We're both 18)
P.S. I am going to see his little brother at xmas and I'm hoping I can show how well I fit into his family. This sound good?
This is the Holiday Season and who knows what will happen to your hearts.
I think he still loves you and just needs a long honest and loving talk about what happened between you that caused the breakup. But be careful not to go too deeply into the comment you made that made him so angry. Let him take the lead on that part of the discussion if he wants to.
Your idea of meeting the family is a great one.
Hopefully you have gained some experience out of this.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com