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A Love Quote
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain

I need to know how to get him back to "us"!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I moved from home for an awesome job as a loan officer that my brother in law hooked me up with. I left home so that I could start a brand new life on my own anyway. The trainer of that company was a guy who had a girlfriend but after hanging out a lot, he and I started seeing each other on a regularly basis. 2-3 mos later, we were inseparable and declared ourselves in love, even though he was still with his girlfriend. I was the first guy he had ever been with sexually, mentally and emotionally. The idea of leaving his "co-dependent" girlfriend for me and having to come out to everyone meant a total lifestyle change....for him it was too scary. We WERE in love...very much so. We saw each other every chance we could. His girlfriend started to get suspicious because we spent so much time together.And when he couldnt make time for me I would get jealous and give him ultimatums...several of which he ignored or didnt pull through on. after making plans to be together exclusively he missed those opportunities for us to be together because of his :"coming out" fears. After 6 1/2 months of waiting, I got fed up. I went to his house where he and his girlfriend were confronted by me alone and told her everything. He was pissed, but so was I. This was something he did not expect and claimed that I betrayed his trust. But I felt as though my trust had been betrayed the entire time. He eventually told his girlfriend everything and that he could not live without me but he felt she deserved another chance with 100% effort this time even though she made him miserable. I was shocked and pissed! After several attempts at trying to remain friends, I simply could not do it immediately. A month later we're friends and I am still madly truly deeply in love with him. There is nothing I would not do to have him back. He came over yesterday to tell me that he was still madly in love with me also but also that he is still with his girlfriend who makes him unhappy and also that his job is relocating him to another state and he told me how much he would miss me and we promised to remain close friends and keep in touch. He told his girlfriend that no matter what, he would need me in his life as I have introduced him to a side of him he never knew. She hated the idea of course! He's leaving today and I need some advice on how to get him to realize that I can love him better and that all he needs is "us" for his security. I need to know how to get him back to "us"! Please please help me!

RomanceClass.com Advice
My advice is to simply wait and see what evolves.

Obviously keep in touch with him as much as possible including meetings between the two of you from time to time. His love for you seems secure.

It is unclear to me why he is staying with this woman who is making him unhappy. (I am assuming that she is going with him). If you have an understanding of why he stays with her, you can develop an approach that enhance your chances with him. Perhaps she threatens him with outing him.

Sorry not to have been more help! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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