Shyness on the phone
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Ok... So, there's this girl that is in 1 of my class that i like, now. It started out simple enough, she invited me to join google talk by e-mail.(class list) I was planning on doing the same, but w/ skype, she dl'd skype and we socalized. Then her mom deleted it so we used google talk. Then, i got msn 4 her cuz she didn't care for google talk. Days into msn messenger, she asked me who i liked. I thought about it and realized it was her. So, cuz im shy, i told her i"had to go". the next day on msn she asked again. I stalled trying to get a new reason and asked her who she liked. Not a good answer, then she asked again and i told her i liked her. Then, i asked if she liked me, she told me that she did but was afraid of what her friends would say. So, another day she said i should call her. Once again, im shy, she understood, but i told her id call when i got a cell phone or courage. later, she was asking about if ive ever kissed anyone before or if id been cheated on, both no. Then i asked her, she'd been cheated on a few years back. next, she wanted to no if id kiss her to win a bet 4 her. the next day, she said at the time she probably wanted to kiss but not anymore, she thinks. on top of that, she and i were im'ing and somehow me lying to her came up, which really upset me and i got very stressed. i got upset because i was not my normal nice, happy self. Then i started getting suspicious and wanting to hurt her, never did but hated myself for my thoughts. Two days later, she helped settle me down, by talking, go figure. But, i was so worked up that i sent email that was incrediblly emotional and involved lots of me being sorry before we im'd. When she checked email she sent one saying i was emo. But, we never stopped having feelings for each other through any of this. She is busy til 8-9pm on week days ectect. The odd thing is that at first she wanted the candy i carry, but now she likes me for me. Plus, she said she felt bad for leading me on and thought she was being mean, i don't think she was.
Now, whats your thoughts, does she like me as more than a friend? what can i do about phone shyness? How can she become less selfconcious? Also, is there any other advice you think would help?
(if possible could the advice be more friend to friend than what ive seen as textbook answers.)
Your best bet is to establish how you two feel about each other right now. It seems clear that you like her but does she like you? She said she was leading you on and being mean... what was she talking about... ask her.
Phone shyness. The key is to care about the other person, what they are thinking, what they are feeling. Whenever they say something interesting ask them what they meant by that. Write down a long list of things to talk about in case you come up dry. This could include school, teachers, pets, family, holidays, classes, music, cable, past loves, plans for the future, friends, etc.
Is she self-conscious? Nothing you said leads me to believe that she is. But if she is, the way to help her is to be ready to talk about *anything* ... talk about what you are thinking and feeling and ask her what she is feeling and thinking. Just as an example... you must be thinking and feeling something about this email I'm sending you. Imagine talking to her about it and describing your feelings and thoughts. It isn't all that hard is it?
My last advice is to laugh and have a good time. That's some of the best times you'll have in your life.
Just enjoy yourself! George
p.s. tell her to call you on the phone.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com