I think sex, for me, is an important part of a healthy relationship

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been living with my boyfriend for about 4 months now, and I've been dating him for about a year, and to my shock, we are less sexually intimate now than we were when we were living apart! I've brought this up to him in an honest, neutral way, utilizing tips that I've noticed are already placed on your website, yet none of these strategies work. He tells me that talking about the sex issue (or lack of sex) makes us have it less, when the lack of sex was what brought about my wanting to talk about it. it wasn't what caused it. Some nights I get rejected and come home the next day to find porn sites brought up on his computer and my lubricant on the desk. For some reason this really hurts my feelings. Do you have any suggestions on how I can improve my sex life with my boyfriend? Talking it out and self-initiation doesn't seem to work in this case, and I don't want to resort to moving out - because that may cause more problems in the relationship than it may solve. All other physical affection is going fine, sex seems to be our only physical intimacy problem, and if I can't find a way to resolve this it may end up in me leaving him, which I don't want to do. Yet I think sex, for me, is an important part of a healthy relationship, and is a real sign of whether or not other aspects of the relationship are going well as well. Thankyou for your input.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You are right to be worrying about this.

Masturbation to porn and neglect of a real live partner is not a good sign.

Perhaps he has a feeling that he is inadequate as a lover and is falling back on his teenage years. Have you asked him if he's had this problem with other women in his life? Maybe he is a male who likes the "chase" but loses interest once he has "caught" what he is chasing.

All this is theorizing. What is very important is for you two to go to a professional counselor--preferably one specializing in couple sex therapy. It could be the only thing that will save your relationship.

I strongly advise you not to marry him until this problem is solved.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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