He really hasn't talked to me much since
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm hoping you can help because I am lost and can't seem to work my way through it. I have worked with this guy for about five years and have been friends with him for most of that time. A couple years ago I hooked him up with one of my friends. They broke up and got back together several times, and I was always there to give advice, etc etc. I broke up with my boyfriend about a year and a half ago.
So anyway, they broke up again at the beginning of the summer and right around that time I started feeling differently about this guy I worked with, and I was totally picking up on signals from him also.
When they broke up I asked him if something had changed. He initially told me no, but when we were talking about it the next day, I apologized, and he told me a "secret" about having wanted to ask me out a few years ago, but then found out I had a boyfriend so didn't ask. I said something about understanding bc my life was complicated, and he said that was not it, but that he just wasn't ready to date anyone.
As it went on, we continued to get closer over the next few months. I was very excited because it really felt good to be around him. Nothing ever really happened, he did come over and hang out once. But towards the end of the summer he told me that he had hooked back up with his ex-girlfriend. I was upset and told him about how I felt and also that I thought what he was doing was wrong, because their relationship wasn't going to work. I had seen what they have been doing in my past relationship.
Anyway, he really hasn't talked to me much since. I run into him every once in a while, and sometimes occasionally really have to deal with him on a project or something.
I guess I have two questions. I would very much like to still be friends with this guy. I do miss him, but am not sure how to convey that without upsetting him or driving him further away. We now are to the point where we say hi to each other in passing, and maybe talk a little bit about nothing specific. I don't want to say something and cause that to go away. But having to work with him on things is excruciating. I had tried to talk to him after I told him how I felt, and he blew me off. I don't know if I should try again--just to apologize, or whatever. Would that somehow make this better and more relaxed? How do I get to the point where I feel like the ground is even and that we can forget about this?
The way to normalize your relationship is to become friends with him again.
Just start saying hello to him with a big smile whenever you pass. This will go a long way towards getting him to be like he was before. Right now, he may feel like you don't like him. Stranger things have happened.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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