Having an Internet Relationship
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I love a girl who is 4 years yonger than me. I already proposed to her. At that time, she was so upset. Then, I rang to her phone again and again. Now, she asks me to be a friend like before. We met each other online and became friends for one year already. We exchanged pics. She told me most about her life and either I. She got a boyfriend and broke up with him one and half years ago. He is a player and she doesn't like some of his characters: drinking and smoking then she dumped him. But now, she told me that she couldn't forget him. Both of them just talked on phone. Never go out together.
Now,She asked me why I love her. I explained her that my love is unconditional. I told her I like her attitude but I won't love other girl if she has that attitude also. We haven't met each other in real world yet. We plan to meet in next two months. Lately, she asks me why I love her in different ways almost every time I called her. She told me that I m like her bro. The way I talking is as same as her brother. I sent her a bear at her birthday and she told me about that present often. Another thing is she told me that I am elder than her elder bro and the same age as her elder sister. So, I like to know about whether that girl will turn to me. And also what should I do?
First, four years isn't really a lot in the grand scheme of things. Yes, you may be older than her brother. So what? People have brothers and sisters that are 9 months older than they are. That has nothing to do with whether you and she are well matched for each other.
It's very good that you guys have been friends for such a long time, to have built up that contact and closeness. But the real test is when you meet in person and start to know each other in reality. You should NOT propose to someone you have never met!! When you talk on line, you project your best traits. You are comforting, you are charming, you wish to love and please each other. But that is NOT what real people are about. Real people are about two real humans, with real lives, who want those lives to cojoin. That is a difficult process and one that takes time and energy.
The whole basis of love is love through thick and thin, through good times and bad, through chores and poverty and richness and wealth. If you guys just know each other over the internet, she does not know you as a "full real person" which is why she balked when you proposed. She doesn't know the REAL you, she knows the facets of you that you have shared with her.
You should make it your highest priority to see her as often as you can in real life. Only by meeting you in real life, as often as possible, can she form a real opinion of what you are really like in the long term. You can NOT live with someone you've chatted with on the internet. You can ONLY live with someone, for years and years, that you actually know and understand and trust and have seen the good AND bad with. Otherwise it simply will have huge obstacles that most can never surmount.
Make it your mission to be with her as much as humanly possible. That is your route to forming a real relationship with her.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com