I want to party now and love him later

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Ive found this wonderful guy who treats me soooo good and i promised myself i wouldnt go for anytning again but the best!

A year and a half agao i was deeply in love but things didnt work out and i was very hurt...i would have dropped everything in my life for that love had he also have been as willing...

with this guy now who treats me so good and so much better then the last guy I feel like i cant drop everything, id promised myself to travel to japan as i am in june and then to canada and also back to uk with a girlfriend...

i want to love him, when i think of him i feel this love and i love holdin him etc but i had to break it off as i just have this enormous need to do my thing n be free for now......i feel like i wanan live my life etc so when i do commit itll last n ill be ready etc......the problem is i cant help but wonder when im bein paranoid that maybes i dont love this guy becaise im not willing to drop everything, because im more concerned with being selfish n doing my thing in risk of loosing him.......ive told him not to wait for me tho he wants to but i need that freedom....the last guy i was with couldnt commit as he needed to sort his life out, he hated his job he hated where he lived n needed to move country plus i was also from a diff country and i always felt he didnt really love me cos he wasnt willing to drop everything ......

so what im so confused by n what i was hoping yu could help me with is your advice on do u think you can be in love with soeone but still know u need to do your own thing n not be willing to drop everything for them or do you think if your in love then u will always be willing to put your life on hold????

RomanceClass.com Advice
Love is about two happy individuals who choose to spend their lives with each other. So on one hand you shouldn't abandon all your dreams in order to be with a guy. But on the other hand, you shouldn't have to "go live your life" before you can be with this guy. Because this guy SHOULD be your life.

Sleeping with lots of guys isn't adventure. It's an activity that you can easily get tired of quickly, and that can in fact make you feel pretty nasty after a short while. If that's what makes you happy, that's fine. But that's different than being happy because you're with one person you love. Every one of us has certain things they enjoy. Some people love climbing mountains. Some like living on a farm. A farmer wouldn't be happy climbing mountains. If you want to go out and explore and have fun, then let your guy find someone who will be happy staying with him. But if what you want is to be with someone, raise a family and build a life, going out and sleeping around isn't going to enhance that goal. If anything, you will find the older you get that you have fewer and fewer people that are available to hook up with. The rest will have already found their partner and settled down. So people who spend their 20s out romping around assuming "later on I'll find someone" sometimes end up in their 30s going from dating service to dating service, weeding through the fewer and fewer people that are still left that are single and wanting to have kids. You're told when you're young that you can have everything you want. But few people are told that this also involves *choosing* a path and *working* towards that goal. If you just have fun and expect things to work out later on, you will probably find yourself without your dreams.

It's all up to you. You can spend your life exploring the world. That's fine! Or you can settle down with this guy hwo loves you and who you care for. There will ALWAYS be a choice involved. You can explore forever. You can settle down forever. When you choose, an option will be shut off. That's the reality of life. You can't have everything. You have to choose what is most important and go for it with all your heart. If you try to juggle your needs, you'll only get a little of each - not enough to be worth it.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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