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Love will not always linger longest - With those who hold it in too clenched a fist. -- Alice Duer Miller



He said I'm the one he sees being in his life forever



Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hi, I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly 2 years, we are both 18. We were very much in love and were friends for 5 years before going out. We both moved to the the same city for university and started arguing more often. Looking back I realise we were taking out the stress of change on each other. A month ago he broke up with me, at the time he did not give any real reason, however we have tried to be friends and he has since told me that it was because we argued too much and he could not get over one particular argument. I won't go into details but I was very upset within myself and I scared him and hurt him. He now says he's forgiven me for that, and that in time he'll forget. He also says that he cares alot about me, wants us to be best friends and that he wants me to be in his life forever. He said that we might go out again in the future, and when I asked him then he said he'd like that, but not for at least a few months and if we did get together itd be through being friends first. I asked him if he ever loved me, and he said he did, and he still does, although he says its not fair to say it.
A further complication is that he has a new girlfriend, just 4 days after we broke up she asked him out. He kissed her that day, but then he came to me and told me, he asked me what to do, and cried saying he hated himself for moving on so quickly. It really hurts me to think of them together. He's been with her for a few weeks now, although when we talk about her he doesn't use her name, and even pretends to forget her name! He said he doesn't really see anything serious happening with her. I asked him if she minded about him still being friends with me and he said no, but if she told him not to see me anymore then he'd probably leave her because I mean alot more to him. He said I'm the one he sees being in his life forever.
I was trying to be friends, but I was finding it hard, phoning him too often and crying when I saw him, so a few days ago I told him we shouldnt see each other anymore. He was upset and asked if we could still talk, I said I guess he can email me, but he said that this was my choice to make and he'd respect that. So I'm guessing he won't contact me. I want to contact him again. I've written a draft email telling him that I feel a bit stronger and I think I made a mistake in cutting off contact, that I care about him, want to be friends and arrange a meeting. I'm going to send it tomorrow. Do you think this is the right thign to do? Will being friends be too difficult? And how can I build a friendship from here without looking backwards. Will I be able to get him back in the future? And how can I make this more likely? Thankyou x




RomanceClass.com Advice
You are fortunate that you two have a good friendship. And he still cares for you a lot.

My advice is to call him weekly to see how he is doing, to let him know you still care, and to maintain contact. Don't discuss your relationship, be cheerful, and limit the call to 15 mins.

This will give him the space he needs and also allows you the contact you need.

Also please see:
http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/9

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com




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