Is She Just Shy, or Is She Interested?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
How do you know if someone is interested in you if their manners appear to be quiet and reserved; yet, they do make eye contact briefly? Advice
I'll answer this as if it was a girl that was shy, just to make it easier to answer without saying he/she everywhere. But the exact same information applies if it's a guy you're talking about.

Every human is nervous and shy when meeting someone new, especially someone they like. Some people are just better at hiding it than others! So it could be that this person does in fact like you, and is afraid to approach you. She's scared of saying the wrong thing, or looking silly, or perhaps worst of all, that you won't like her.

Many people are simply naturally quiet, so for them to break out of their shell and approach you would be an extreme act of courage. Still, she really wants to get to know you. She just doesn't know how.

Most definitely with shy types, you have to take the first step. You don't want to be too brash or bold, because a quiet person would easily be intimidated by this. You want to be gentle. Look for an opportunity to talk that isn't intimidating. Don't do it with hordes of friends around - that's always scary, to wonder what everyone else is thinking while you're talking. Do it somewhere quiet, alone. Find out what one of her hobbies is, and talk to her about it. If she likes horses, ask her about horses. If she likes a band, ask her if she's heard their latest song. Everybody has an interest, and everybody enjoys talking about their interests.

If she's really not interested in you, she'll let you know, and if nothing else, you've practiced your flirting skills a bit. But if she is, you're all set!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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