She cheated, and now she says something is missing

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. During the last year she had a crush on another guy which turned into more. We somewhat broke up but we (or mainly me) couldn't stand being apart. She decided that she wanted to be with me so we got back together. She says she love all through this. But now she feels something is missing, she don't know want it is. She still says she loves me and she feels that we belong together. But still something is missing she says. What should i do, can I get her to fall back in love with. Advice
One of the most important things to learn in any relationship is that it will NEVER stay the same. People grow. People change. Situations change. There is no way that *any* relationship will ever "feel like it used to". That's a normal part of life. You wouldn't want to still act the way you were when you were 3 years old, right? Every week that goes by changes us as people. The great joy of a long term relationship is to support your partner to grow and learn and become even better - and to have your partner support you as you achieve your own goals.

So definitely, you two are different than you were a year ago. Sure, some of that may be because she cheated and you guys went through that. There may be all sorts of other things that you guys went through, too. If anything, a relationship that goes through troubled times becomes even *stronger*, because it shows that your care for each other was stronger than that situation. Couples who survive years and years together don't do it because "life was easy". It rarely is. They survive because they stuck with it, even when things WERE rough. And in the end they are even stronger and better, because they have that trust in each other that they can get through anything.

So it's time to sit down with her and have a talk. Yes, things are different. They should be. This is normal. But it sounds like she is saying that something about the way things are NOW is something that bothers her. Only she knows what that thing is. Maybe it's difficult for her to actually think about it, but she has to in order for you guys to fix the issue. So have her really think. WHAT is it about your relationship now that bothers her? The only way it can get better is if you two talk about it and find a solution together.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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