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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin



I didn't know if I wanted to be friends after what he did to me



Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hey, okay update on my situation (one which I also think is going on for too long now) sorry!

I am really confused, as always, about my ex and his feelings. In my last update he had all of a sudden decided to cut me out of his life after a stupid fight, a couple days after he had spent the night at my house and told me he was still in love with me, and that he didn't like anybody and I didn't have to worry about him finding someone else any time soon.

Well he called me one night, just to talk and I said I thought he was not talking to me anymore and he said he was just mad and was going to eventually talk to me again. Then he told me about how he was going on a date today...dinner and a play with this girl and I asked if he liked her and he said yes. I actually said thanks for being honest and stuff, cuz normally he would lie about it.

That was maybe 4 days ago and since then we haven't really talked, he told me that he wasn't going to go out with her that he didn't want a girlfriend and stuff. He also writes in his online nicknames stuff about her, when I see him online it bothers me so much.

At the time he called me I said I didn't know if I wanted to be friends after what he did to me. But after a looot of thinking, I wrote him an email that said I really do want to try to be good friends again because he was my best friend.

Well I havent seen him now in over 2 weeks which is odd we usually hang out at least once a week...and Ive talked to him maybe twice in that time and we usually talk every other day if not every day. He hasn't written back to my email about being friends. I am talking to one of his best guy friends now, and the guy friend told me my ex is sick of my jealousy, which I said "About what?" because I never said or implied I was jealous about anything. And he told me because my ex is falling for a new girl and thinks I have some deep attraction still for him.

This is the most messed up statement I've ever heard. My ex just spent the night at my house and told me he was still in love with me, a few weeks before that said he was falling for me again in his web journal, and is constantly kissing me, cuddling, holding my hand, or actually having a sexual relationship with me. Now he's saying I'm just jealous and acts to his friends like I'm the one who is after him and acts like he has no feelings for me at all??

What is going on? The fact that he said "falling for this girl" I'm scared means he is falling in love....because that's exactly what he said to me when we first started dating and said he was in love with me.

I don't know what to do here, I'm at a complete loss. I really love him and it kills me to hear all this stuff. I can't handle him being with another girl, but he is my best friend. Well, he was. Should I keep being friends with him and hope old feelings come back or what?? I mean we were in love for 3 years. Is it better to just pretend like I don't care, even though that would be the hardest thing to do, or should I just cut him out because theres no chance this will ever work?

I'm 19 by the way and he's 21, just in case I havent told you and there may be a difference in age-related advice.




RomanceClass.com Advice
Things could go different ways depending on how you act and how he responds.

Try this: call him once a week just to see how he is doing, to let him know you care, and to maintain contact with him.

After a week or two of this he will show you his real feelings. This is the best way to go.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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