Are we doing the right thing by taking a break
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Ok, this is sort of confusing but i will explain it the best that i can. In may i started talking to *B from school. I had a crush on her all school year long and the last day of school i gave her my phone number. one thing led to another and we ended up hanging out everyday come June. We dated and had the times of our lives all summer long, the problem was that she broke up with her boyfriend over the phone in may when we started talking because he was out of town for the summer. August came and her boyfriend returned to town. We ended up fighting for the first time about her talking to him and writing him emails. I felt scared. She then ended up breaking things off to go back to him, knowing she still loved me. She said she did it because they were together for 4 years and she had to make sure she was doing the right thing by moving on. I started to move on and after about two weeks of her hanging out with the ex, she realized that she wasnt in love with him anymore and she couldnt be with him because of the way i treated her. She ended up crawling back and i took her back because i loved her to death and we were perfect for one another. This was in September. it is now november and we have had a rocky "relationship" these last two months. It is either way "UP" or way "down". Bickering about little things and breaking up. then within the next couple of days getting back together. this has happened 3 times so far in the last two months or so. About two weeks ago i asked her when things were starting to move forward again why she couldnt just let "me in". she said she didnt know. Her ex was very poor to her the last two years they were together and cheated on her twice before they finally broke up. the other night then we had a great night, we rented movies, laughed all night long, and she ended up staying the night. in the morning she rolled over and said i have been thinking about what you have asked me about the whole "letting you in" thing. she got up and left and she said that she needs time to figure out if she can handle this anymore. Shes afraid that the bickering wont stop and still has strong feelings towards me, just needs time to realize if its right that we try again... trusting what i said this time about not fighting anymore. She also told me what she wants is me and that i am perfect for her, its just hard for her to believe that things wont happen like this again. she has decided she needs a break and she needs time, also saying that she wants me to still be her best friend. the questions i have are we doing the right thing by taking a break, she was in a long relationship before we jumped into ours so i can see where she is coming from to a point because so was i. Do I just let her do her own thing and not have contact with her unless she intiates it? can i prove to her that i really did change this time and learned to channel my anger about the little things we faught about? And if i can prove that to her, how do i go about doing that? I have been really down about this whole thing and i know she has too, her wondering if she made the right decision? so i think that with some help we can figure this out! Please help me out and suggest anymore advice that you think would be useful in this situation.
Certainly taking a break could help clear things up.
But instead of a total cessation of talking I suggest that you call her once a week to find out how she is doing, to let her know you still care, and to maintain regular contact.
Petty arguing is a relationship breaker. I hope you have overcome your tendency to fight over small things. Have you two tried using the peace sign to put a halt to a fight? Suggest you try it.
I wish you the best! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com