I was trying to show him that his actions are misleading other girls

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, I have been in a serious relationship now approximately one and half years and we have lived together for one year now. However, last year my boyfriend planned an all guys trip to Vegas and neglected to inform me that he invited his girl friend who lives in California to join. I found this out by error shortly before the trip and I asked him not to do it and told him how I felt. I truly believed that if girld were going that I should be able to go. He said that she is like hanging out with one of the guys and if I were to go it would ruin it. I further asked him not to stay in the same place with him. I knew I could not prevent him from going so I asked him to compromise and not stay in the same place as him. The first night he left I had this bad feeling in my gut I called him and he did not call back. I was a little worried but he always calls me back and I just waited for the call. I did not get the call for a long time so I called him a few more times. It is usuall for him to be away or out with his friends and he always makes a point to call me. SO him not answering his phone was out of the norm and worried me. I knew something was wrong. Anyway, he said nothing just he was busy out having fun and could not call me. When he came home from the tirp we had been together for a week when I was sitting beside him on the couch and saw a message come through on his blackberry from Jess titled Vegas Baby. I pondered my brain and did not know anyone of the name Jes that was going on the trip. I asked him in the shower later that day of all the names of people who were on the trip with him. He listed them and there was no Jes. I knew something was wrong. We were to go to the gym, but I said I was feeling sick as I was determined to figure out what was going on. He left for the gym and I broke into his email were I found an email he had writen back to Jes. It stated "my heart was racing when I received your email because I was sitting beside my girlfriend, but don't worry I was cooler than the other side of the pillow. Please email me at this account as it is more secure from the girlfriend. thanks for the great times and memories...I hope we can do it again sometime, Babe.
I freaked. I looked up and saw a picture of the two of us on the wall and throw it breaking it. I was so upset. I went to the gym where he was and confronted him. I printed off the email because I could not stand him lying to me. I was so hurt and sad. Anyway, he said he lied to me because he was protecting me. He said that his girlfriend from California had a friend there named Jes and they hung out with them. He had lied to me about everything, I specifically asked him if there were any otehr girls and what they did and he lied about it all, until I caught him. Anyway, he showed me pictures that the Jes girl had sent and for him just meeting her the one night they were sure close. She was wrapped around him in the pictures. I was so sick to my stomack seeing it. It hurt. Don't ask me how, but we worked through it. HOwever, the issue never really faded. Three months later we finally broke up, I packed my stuff and moved home. It was over a different issue. He was away working near his home town and was out with his friends. I had a major assignment due for school and my computer got a virus. I was trying to get him to walk me through the reformatting stages as my assignment was due in a day. I was panicing. He supposedly lost connection with me at the club and that was the end of it. I called him later around 230am thinking he would have just got home from the club. I told him how I found someone to help me since he wouldn't and I think I got the computer working now. He was pissed and hung up on me and would not answer my calls. Than he was so cold we broke up. I moved home and left him alone. He came back to me and I explained that I did not think it would work. He said he would not leave me alone until I said yes and that just lifted my heart. We kept talking things through and than slowly I moved back in. I have a hard time trusting him now and am very weary of his actions. Today he calls me and asks if we could go take this girl he works with out for a birthday dinner because he owes her a dinner. He told me that she got his work visa for him this year and he said she is a really cool girl and he wants to hang out with her. I do not know how to take this. I said to him that this was her job to get his work visa and pointed out to him that is what she gets paid to do. Inviting her to a dinner is personal. I asked how he knew it was her birthday and he said they were talking and she hinted it to him. He kept trying to get her age and she would not tell him. I am so confussed. I think my boyfriend is too into other girls and not into me. I informed him of how this happened once before where he gave a girl he worked with his number and she ended up calling him at 230am in the morning after bar asking him if he wanted to get together and party. I was trying to show him that his actions are misleading other girls and I do not understand how he does not see this. Please give me some advice on this. I am not sure if I am just wasting my time..

RomanceClass.com Advice
I am having trouble figuring out the same thing that is puzzling you.

Is this guy just very friendly with women and sometimes gets in just a little bit over his head?

Or is he taking advantage of you and running around with other women?

Whichever it is, you are going along with it for the most part.

You need to have some loving, trusting, honest and long conversations with him to try to get him to open up about how he feels about what he is doing. Communications is essential to getting to the bottom of this situation.

If you don't get to the bottom of it, your relationship is probably about over.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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