I am getting tired of the arguments and the finger pointing
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i have been dating my current girlfriend for like 5 years and i was thinking about proposing to her because i really do lover her so much. But recently i am not sure any more...recently we have been having so many arguments about so many things. And i am always the one that ends up getting verbally pounded, i dont know, maybe it is because young men just dont have the vocabulary to portray our emotions or defend what our feelings are, or just not agile in connecting our feelings to our environment, but she has this "skill" of relating each argument to previous arguments and some how everytime it boils down to my fault and that i am a horrible person?!? But when she gets into the swing of inter-relating these arguments i start feeling so bad, that i loose track of what was said 5 minutes earlier. I am not sure, maybe i am a horrible person because i cant see these links, or cant understand where her feelings come from or what? I dont know what to do, it now seems that if she gets even the slightest bit aggetated that there is nothing that i can do or say that is right? at the moment we both work and live togeather, so i am not sure if that in itself is why because in my eyes we have no time at all for ourselves so we could just be getting a little stir crazy, but i am getting tired of the arguments and the finger pointing.. I mean she even said that i am insensitive because i dont understand what she is feeling...
I am just so confused and i think that the time has come for us to split paths? But because we have so so much history, and the fact that we live togeather I dont know where to start with getting out of the relationship? I know that there is never an easy way to break up with a long term partnet, but I need to do this because i am changing so so much away from what i used to be like, and what she origionally went out with me for.
What do i do?!?!
From reading your letter, I am convinced that you are quite sensitive and understanding of your feelings and hers.
She seems to thrive on putting you down and not working to resolve difficulties together. Of course I am only hearing your side of it.
The key to communications is honesty, trust, and caring. Let her know (gently) but in no uncertain terms that the arguing and dredging up of old complaints is wearing you down and undermining your relationship.
Be honest with her and tell her you are considering breaking up with her over this issue where you always end up being the bad guy. She will probably freak out and say you are being a bad guy... what else would you expect? But she might respond calmly and be willing to discuss it with you without it turning into an argument.
By the way, here is one way to interrupt an argument. Make the peace symbol to let your partner know that you feel like an argument is happening or about to happen. This will frustrate her but may lead to improved communications.
I wish you the best of luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com