Pregnant and Dating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am pregnant with twins and it seems like the only people that are after me are the ones who are all about sex. I need a serious relationship with someone for me and my kids.

Why does it seem when your pregnant no one wants to be with you? Can you help me tell me what the deal is with guys? Advice
First, it's actually quite a reasonable thing that guys are sensitive about dating a pregnant woman. Dating a person is about getting to know them, learning more about how you two interact, and working your way into finding out how well you'd do together long term. But a pregnant woman is one that is obviously going to have a family very soon - one that will need a lot of time and attention. Many people don't want to have children, or if they do, they want children sometime in the distant future. Many times you can date for months before you figure that out. So actually it's good that you know this up front. The guys that WILL date you are guys that are comfortable with the idea of caring for babies. Believe me, many women would love to be in your shoes - to know right up front that the guy they are dating is *really* interested in kids and not just saying it! The guys who won't date you are guys that wouldn't have wanted kids going forward - so it's better you don't go through the heartache of being with them now.

So OK, now you have a group of guys who are interested in dating you. You know the kid-thing isn't an issue for them, which is a great thing. And now you're saying that a portion of them are after sex. Really, most guys in the world care about what a woman is, and don't just go for sex. So the fact that you're dating guys just after sex makes me wonder if maybe you aren't somehow choosing them that way? It's a pretty common thing. Especially if you're pregnant and feeling non-beautiful. I personally think pregnant women are BEAUTIFUL and just about the most gorgeous shape a person can have. They are creating a brand new life (or in your case, two!!) But it might be that you are feeling badly about being round. If that's the case, don't!! You are only pregnant a few times in your life. This might be your only time that you are pregnant, for all you know. The only time your body is stretching to hold brand new little lives inside it. Relish that shape, the shape nature meant for it to be, to hold those creatures and nourish them.

But I digress. If you *aren't* fully happy with this shape of yours, you could be eager to hear that you are still beautiful. So then a guy that goes after you for your *body* would be one you encouraged, because you want to hear what he says. But then when he continues and *wants* your body you're disappointed. So ignore the guys who are ogling you and who make you feel sexy. Look for a guy who LOVES you and cares for what you are as a woman. Yes, it can mean he thinks you're beautiful too. But that shouldn't be the primary thing. How he cares about YOU should be the primary thing.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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