She thought that I was calling her a liar again...and she just went away

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I have recently been seeing this girl that I have like for over two years now. We were kind of friends before, but we didn't hang out outside of school too often. She moved away for a year, and now she is back. I was SO ECSTATIC when I found out she had moved back. I have since then told her that I like her a lot and that I have ever since before she moved away. She told me that she had a crush on me too, and that she likes me as well. We started hanging out outside of school and takling a lot more. We even went to a school dance together. We were a little closer physically and we slow danced once. But also while we were at that dance ( while we were sitting down ) I told her this. "I really care about you a lot, and I like you a lot, and I just want to be close to you you mind?" She said that it'd be great, and we held eachother for a while. We were sitting down on bleachers, and I put my arm around her, and she put hers around me while I rested my head on her shoulder and she put her head on mine. After about of minute of this she took her arm and head away and started to play with her fingers. I could tell she was nervous so I told her I was sorry for making her nervous. I have since then been questioning whether she really does like me or not. She has been raped before in her life, and I know that may have something to do with not wanting to be physically close to me, and I can understand that I I'm okay with it. Since then it seems that she has also wanted to stop hanging out as much. Every time I ask her if she wants to do something with me she tells me that something came up...or she had to watch her younger sisters. I tried to go trick-or-treating with her...TWICE...once her sister had her baby ( I can FULLY understand that )...and the other time she just didn't want to go if I couldn't go out where she lives. ( which is only five minutes away )....and my mom made me go with her. She could have come with me...but she didn't want to and just basically said screw it. I've been feeling more and more cast aside lately. I told her how I felt, and she said that she thought I thought she was a liar. She had told me she liked me, and I just couldn't believe it based off of what was going on. In a way...I really did call her a liar, and I know how that can hurt. While we were out to eat before the dance the subject of my brother being turned down by a girl for the dance came up. She almost immediatly said "I could never turn anyone takes a lot of balls to ask someone out...I wouldn't feel right saying no." I'm now feeling like she only wanted to be with me for that one night...and I keep doing stuff for her and trying to be around her...not all the time like a creepy stalker guy, but just enough to let her know that I care. And I think that she only wanted to go with me so as to not hurt my feelings. I told her about all of this...and how I was feeling kind of rejected. She thought that I was calling her a liar again...and she just went away. And you know what??? In a way I really did call her a liar. I didn't mean for it to come out like that at all, but I did...indirectly. I understand that, and I've told her I'm sorry. I think shes still mad at me and I don't know what to do. And I never get to see her outside of school...and I can't talk to her about this at school. I jsut don't know what to do. I'm sorry...I really am. Please write more than three sentances. I know I'm just one out of six billion people on this planet...but please help me. .....I also wrote a recent letter...and they titled it "I was making her nervous so I said I was sorry"....or something like that......please read that letter also...its very recent.....please help, I'm so lost. Advice
It's unfortunate that she has developed a stock response to your efforts to assure yourself that she likes you. She accuses you of calling her a liar which is not your intention at all. That also makes it difficult for you to talk to her openly... which is a very important part of a relationship.

Since you can't talk to her at school or hang out with her out of school that leaves you with the telephone and I hope you are taking advantage of that to talk with her. Try to have long, deep, open, trusting, honest, and caring talks with her. Try to get her to open up with you about her family, friends, school, sports, music, hobbies, pets, etc.

She seems to be holding back from you for some reason. Having the long phone conversations might help her feel closer to you. Be sure you are careful when the subject of how she feels about you comes up. Let her raise that subject since it seems to be touchy for her.

However, if she continues to hold you away physically you might have to consider moving on since physical contact is an important part of dating.

My best wishes to you! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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