sex... I just would like it a little more often than ... never anymore
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Hi, I've looked through your site and don't feel I have found advice that matches my own situation... I have been dating someone for a little over 2 months, and we have marathon dates, minimum of 4 hours to 9 hours on any given day we get together. He calls me throughout the day, and evening, usually 6-10 times a day... We spent more time together in the first month than I had in 6 months of dating other guys... He says things are ok, he's happy, but...
After three weeks of sex (not right away, waited), he has seemed to lose interest, right about the time he brought up wanting to talk about our "first times"... When I relayed to him that my first sexual encounter had been date rape, I didn't do it in a sobbing, hysterical fashion--just matter-of-fact--I suppose I should have just talked about the first consentual time. His interest in sex quickly dwindled, and now he doesn't really kiss me that much either. I have tried to discuss this with him, but he doesn't seem to see anything wrong with sex taking a major backburner. I am not hung up, have had a few serious relationships over the years that involved sex... I just would like it a little more often than ... never anymore. I initiated the last time we did have sex, and a few days ago tried again, and he said he just doesn't want to...
He still cuddles with me, we still spend time together 3-4 days out of the week/weekend, and still talk on the phone as much as ever. Sometimes he seems bored and sometimes he'll be interested and mildly flirtatious again. I just want some advice... Are we dealing with a lack of chemistry (because it was abundant in the beginning, and we're still flirtatious with one another), or is this a phase he's going through? He assures me nothing's wrong, that he's happy... I just don't understand why we don't make out any more at all and why he can trust me to come over/hang out, cuddle, kiss, and talk on the phone so often, but he can't share his email address with me?
I can understand being private, or a lone wolf, I'm a bit of one myself. Just wish I knew how to understand him and feel a little more comfortable with things.
Something is really wrong with him and if he knows what it is he isn't sharing with you.
Your best bet is to continue to try to draw him out and find out what is troubling him. Also try to find out what's the deal with his email address.
You ought to let him know that the way your sex life is going that you're not sure your relationship can last (if, indeed, that is the way you feel). He may need to be told straight out how you feel.
Other than that, I'm not sure what to suggest. Seeing a professional counsellor would be appropriate, but you haven't really been going out for a long time. Think about that too, though.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com