I feel like he doesn't think he's good enough for me.
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have submitted a question before. This is the same issue. My ex and I broke up almost 2 months ago. We dated a year and a half very seriously. He told his brother and a couple of close friends the first time we broke up that I was "the one" that he was just really scared and he didn't want to screw up something perfect that he had with me. He was married for 7 years and has two kids. I know he's got issues from that marriage and his past is full of divorce too. I took it as we were going to spend time apart for a while and let him figure out what he wanted, cause most of the time he was ready to ask me to marry him and sometimes he just wasn't sure. He didn't date anyone after the divorce, only me about 6 months after it was final. Now I just feel like he's on the prowl! He's already been seeing another girl and aparently can't get enough of the attention from others. I don't get it. I'm giving him all the space he wants and trying to move on. I know he still loves me too and that the last thing he wants to do is hurt me anymore than he already has. I'm gonna say this with all humility, but I feel like he doesn't think he's good enough for me. I've been out with a couple of guys, but none even come close to him. To beat it all I did something really stupid. I had a wreck about a week ago (no one hurt, but totaled my car). He found out about it and call to see how I was. Shocker.....I was an emotional basketcase! I should have left it at a nice phone call and let it go, but I didn't. I just had to ask questions and wonder how he could just go on with everything. He said he had made his decision and felt good about it, for now. What does that mean? Why did he even have to say "for now"? I did call the next day and left him a voice message telling him that I was sorry, that I was way too far gone emotionally at the time he called, that I didn't need him to respond, but I did need him to forgive me. I felt good about that. The next night I had a date and he called me to see if I was going to come play ball. He didn't know I was going to be on a date and I didn't tell him that when he called. I said no, that I had plans and that I hope they played good. That was the last time I have talked to him. I know he had to suck it up just to call and ask me that, but I still don't understand. I knew that first time I met him that he was "the one". I still feel that way. Should I just continue to not speak or see him, and if I do just act like I am completely happy? I just can't explain the peace I have about giving him time and that he'll realize that I am the one he wants to be with. At the same time, he is completely stubborn and in a way---all about himself. He never made me feel like I wasn't the most important thing to him, he always made me feel pretty and important. I was always included and made a part of the whole family. His whole family is even confused. The hardest thing to deal with is not seeing the kids. I loved them like my own, now I don't see them at all. Will he ever wake up and come back?
Will he wake up and come back? Your guess is as good as mine.
What you have to figure out is how to deal with the present situation to maximize the chances that the outcome is in your favor.
I still feel that you should call him just once a week to find out how he is doing, to show him that you still care, and to maintain a friendly relationship. Don't dwell on your relationship and keep the call to 15 min. unless he won't let you get off the line.
Also try to figure out how to make him realize that you are not better than he is. We are all different and better in some things than others. If you think of things, try to mix them into your weekly conversation very subtly.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com