How to Flirt

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
i find it difficult to talk to girls i have read your colums on how to find a date and flirting but when it's time to act i cannot cause i feel to shy and nervous and the girls look to intimidating.

i know i am dateable but breaking the ice looks difficult as i don't want to be rejected or embarrased please how do i get female friends to like me for me because i am in college and have no female friend Advice
The whole problem is that you are thinking of females as space aliens and not as people, just like guys are. If you think about it, females and males are both HUMANS and both are equally as able to be your friend. It's not even like one has long hair and one has short hair any more, or one wears a dress and one wears pants. Boys and girls can both look any way they want to, think any way they want to, do anything they want to. So it's almost silly to say you will be friends with one and not the other.

So this is a mental exercise for you. Stop thinking of girls as "sex targets" or whatever it is you're thinking of them as :) When you look at a guy, you think "He could be a friend". So when you look at a girl, think the SAME THING. She is NOT a "potential date". She is NOT a "thing to chase". She is a Potential Friend. Period. When you go up to talk to her it's not because you're "after her". It's because she could be a friend, just like any guy.

Practice this for a week. Any girl you look at, think "FRIEND". Any time any date type thoughts show up in your brain, squash them and think FRIEND. Now work on the friendship. Talk to these potential friends about the class coming up, about what time it is, about the homework assignment. Join a club that is about a hobby you enjoy and make FRIENDS in that club, whether they're male or female.

Once you get your brain retrained to realize that females can be friends just like males, I think it'll be much easier for you. The best kind of date you can possibly have is with someone you are friends with. So you need to learn to think of girls as friends.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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