At around 6 and 7 he gets officially drunk

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
First of all, my b/f and I have been toghether for 4.5 yrs, we are high school sweethearts and are now in different states for college. We are both strong Christians and that means getting drunk is a big no no. So over these 2 yrs in college I have stayed true to my morals but my b/f has not. He has slowly wanted to drink more and more, and for me, this breaks my heart. He knows that drinking hurts me really badly but he does it anyway, I go with the thought that if you love someone, you should be willing to do anything for them. I am never going to be able to change how I feel about drinking. Getting drunk is disgusting, stupid and it kills me that he has given into temptation. We have always argued on the subject, he wants to get drunk, I don't want him too.

My side: a man who gets drunk isn't trustworthy, it's disgusting, he's becoming the man I would have never dated, it's just plain morally wrong! His side: he's not doing anything wrong and he believes he really can control his actions when he gets drunk. (the ironic thing, is he admits that he knows it's wrong, he wants to do it i've only been trying to keep him accountable of the man he should be)

So we had developed a compromise so that both of us could be happy, a limit of 4 drinks. At around 6 and 7 he gets officially drunk but at 4 he can still get a buzz...this works b/c ideally I didn't want him to drink at all and he wanted to drink maybe around 8. Well after a huge break last year where he took a month off to decide which he wanted, a relationship w/ me, or complete freedom to drink what he wanted, he came up w/ the compromise so we could be together. Now a year later, it's happened again. I actually caught him breaking the compromise and he lied to me about it. In 4.5 yrs I truly believe he has never lied to me until then! I feel so completly betrayed. And he says he had no real reason to break the limit, and he wasn't even thinking of me or the consequences when he did. So now we're over. He doesn't want to have any limits, he wants to be able to do what he wants to do.

This is our dilima though, I can not stand knowing he's out there getting drunk, it honestly breaks my heart b/c he knows it hurts me but he's going to do it anyway, so to me that's not real love. So we're at the point that the only way we can be back together is if one of us gives in completly. But if one of us does that we're giving up so much and I still don't think that would work.

Do you have any thoughts or possiblities for us to get through this? We still believe we're soulmates and we're so perfect for each other but this is our only problem! Advice
One of you will have to give in.

It doesn't sound like your b/f is going to quit drinking.

So that leaves the decision in your hands. Are you going to stay with him or let him go?

There are no good reasons to drink to excess, but after drinking 4 drinks, it is difficult to use good judgement and stop. There are a lot of social, medical, and religious reasons to abstain from drinking. Drinking too much too often can become a life-long habit which can ruin relationships and families.

My advice is to tell him to cut back to 2 or your gone.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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